Eternal Crap of the Corrupted Mind

Hello, Goodbye

2008-03-31T18:22:00.003+08:00

Hello all!

I know, it's been ages since I've last blogged here. Even as I type this, I have a severe case of writer's block. The rusty gears of blogging, left unused over time, groans and moans with every effort.

Sadly, I've come to a point where I don't really give two bananas about this blog anymore. The exercise of stringing together intelligible words to describe my day/ events seems like a painful chore. Especially the intelligible part, who am I kidding? (LOL)

You know the end is here when you'd rather do the dishes than blog.

Anyways, cheers to all who've read this humble page of mine throughout the years and made this fun. And to those that didn't, well, screw you.

I'm sad/ happy/ relieved to say, this blog will be closed. Well, not closed CLOSED, as I would love to come back here one day and read about my stupidity, but closed no-longer-blogging-here.

Maybe, just maybe I'll start blogging again someday. But till then, go do Sudoku.

Now... back to the bloody dishes...

R.I.P Ben

2007-12-27T23:14:00.000+08:00

When I heard the news of his death, I immediately remembered his playful "strangling" and his smart, witty remarks, him walking around Sri Andalas Sports Complex sipping his soft drink, his shy smile... That's Ben.

He will be missed.

Farewell and goodnight, my friend.

Hipsters Can Kiss My Ass

2007-12-15T23:53:00.000+08:00

This is exactly what I'm talking about. These oblivious douchebags. Like vain nose pickings. Thanks to Sajith for the link. If you can relate to anyone of the race contestants in this video, I sincerely feel sorry for you. Got rot far far, thanks yous.

Indie Rubbish

2007-12-08T12:34:00.000+08:00

Recently, I stumbled upon a group on Facebook entitled "Rules for Indie Kid Initiation" which contains a sizable list of "Thou Shall"s in order to be "indie". For the uninitiated, "indie" is essentially a subculture spawning from bands disassociation with major labels, where anything "mainstream" is frown upon.

"Indie", the informal version of "independent", can be used to mean or symbolize originality and forward-thinking, especially in music and design blah, blah, blah. This is roughly what "indie" means according to the Urban Dictionary.

Now, found in that above mentioned expansive list are things like (in verbatim):

1) Thou shall shop only at the following places: thrift stores, urban outfitters, american apparel, your local neighborhood co-op/diy boutique. (extra indie points for those who make or alter their own clothing, regardless, skinny jeans are the only acceptable form of pants for both sexes)

2) Thou shall know everything about the Beatles, regardless of whether or not one likes the Beatles. The same is true for The Doors, Bob Dylan, Simon and Garfunkel.

3) Thou shall forcefully speak about politics/world affairs (actual knowledge on aforementioned topics not a requirement).

4) Thou shall fill one's iPod with obscure music.

5) Thou shall be a photographer (actual skill is not required. An indie kid is not complete without a Flickr account "modestly" promoted though choice networking site).

These are some of the examples from 50 "guidelines" found in that list. It seems to me now, after reading this and observing youths on the street, "indie" is now "in" and "cool". Every insecure, pimply kid wants to be "indie".

If you ask me (and even if you don't I'm gonna tell you anyway), this "indie" craze is a pot full of bullshit. The very fact that these kids want to be part of the "indie" craze already means they're not "indie"- they're part of a (now) mainstream culture. Wannabe "indie"s cancel themselves out even before they start.

This pretentiousness is absolutely pathetic but unfortunately it's common nowadays. Everybody wants to be somebody other than themselves. Kids want to be special, want to stand out, want to be unique, so they be "indie", "emo", "punk" etc. I ask, how can you be "unique" or even "special" when millions are EXACTLY like you? It's pointless and dumb.

There is no faster way for you to lose my respect than being pretentious. I've met kids who are obviously wannabes by dropping obscure band names, trying to play it cool etc. When they speak, all I see is a steaming heap of crap with a mouth and "WANKER" in bold engraved on their forehead. It is absolutely sad.

All this obsession with "indie"/"emo"/(whatever shitty subculture) I blame on one thing: kids aching so badly in the nuts to be "cool". Let me put on record, for I have been saying this many times, "cool" is absolutely relative and any obsession with it is positively PATHETIC.

If you really want to be ~~"indie"~~ "cool", my friends, I have this suggestion to make:

Be yourself.

Boob Watch

2007-12-04T21:04:00.000+08:00

A German research published in New England Journal of Medicine and Weekly World News said that men staring at women's breasts in fact prolong their lives with years.

"Just 10 minutes of staring at the charms of a well endowed female such as Baywatch actress Pamela Lee is equivalent to a 30- minute aerobics work-out," said author Dr. Karen Weatherby, a gerontologist.

Read full article

AHA! Finally, a research paper that actually proves boob watching is a healthy activity! I've always suspected that but now it's fully proven, therefore justified.

I wanna live forever. Let the workout begin!

Work, work

2007-12-02T20:14:00.000+08:00

Well, so far work's been not too bad. The first day was hell but subsequently it got easier and much more bearable. My colleagues hail from different parts of the world: Japan, Brazil, Germany, Switzerland and, of course, Australia (d-UH!).

Most importantly, they're nice, fun, down-to-earth people. I guess you won't get divas at car wash bays, thank God.

Some days I just wash cars. Some days I drive more (transferring dirty cars from airport to wash bay). Some days it's a balance of both. Driving is definitely more fun and relaxing as I get to drive powerful cars like Lancers and Commodores (a bulky Australian car). The exhilaration of putting pedal to the metal gets me all the time.

So far, no complaints whatsoever. The pay is hell good, for sure. The schedule is a bit of a pain in the ass. For AM shifts, I have to wake up as early as 5 bloody AM to clock in at 6. You get to sleep in with PM shifts which starts at 2, but it pretty much screws up your whole evening as I end by 10 PM.

Oh well, you can't have everything in life. Considering I thought of quitting on the first day, I'm considerably enjoying myself more.

Who knew...

Summer Work

2007-11-27T07:57:00.000+08:00

Today will be my first day as a-

Vehicle Service Representative...

...in other words Car Washer...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!~ I kid you not, this is my work title. Sounds nice but essentially what I do is wash and maintain rental cars. Also, don't confuse this job with the Aneh in Malaysia that washes cars in saturated car wash Klang. This is more professional.

Most importantly, it pays well and can give me the hours I want. My plan is simple, genealogically embedded in Chinese blood- work like a dog and become a rich towkay.

I don't know how long I can last this physically draining work though. Money is my only motivation.

Yes, Ian is a whore for money. Heh.

Cheers, people!

Explosions In The Sky Australian Dates

2007-11-17T16:33:00.000+08:00

Dear Australia and New Zealand,

Hi everyone, we are happy to announce our first ever tour of Australia and New Zealand. It will be happening in February and all the shows will be with our dear friend Eluvium. Please go to www.explosionsinthesky.com to find out more details (the New Zealand dates are not yet listed but they will be soon).

Thanks for caring.

Love
Explosions
****************************************************************************
Explosions has announced their Australian tour dates starting from:

- 14th February '08/ Brisbane
- 15th February '08/ Sydney
- 16th February '08/ Melbourne
- 17th February '08/ Perth

I'm seriously hyper-ventilating and no words can perfectly describe the euphoria (wait, that's one- EUPHORIA) I feel. Another dream is about to be realized.

This is such great news!!

*faints*

I Almost Died Laughing

2007-11-13T20:50:00.000+08:00

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!~ This is absolutely hilarious! Black humor at it's finest! Read on:

On MSN, a display name read: I ALMOST DIED IN A CAR CRASH ACCIDENT JUST NOW! The Taxi driver's head Cracked! (flare****@hotmail.com). Frantic and worried, I tried to remember who the e-mail address belonged to.

As I couldn't think of any names, I looked under 'Groups' and discovered that it was this guy I knew back in the black days of LUCT. Funny thing about him though is that when I was still at LUCT, we rarely talked. It was only after I left that he added me on MSN and we started to chat more.

Anyways, I messaged him asking what happened and how was he. I somehow felt that it wasn't as bad as his message implied as he's still online. I mean, MSN would be the last thing on your mind if you survived a near death experience.

He told me he was in a taxi on his way home from that godforsaken "university" when a car crashed into his taxi. The said car was driven by some Arabs, you know, those (by "those", I mean "some") LUCT Arabs who are a obnoxious bunch of drunks, happy to live of Daddy's oil playground. They're better off galloping camels.

So, the car crashes badly into the taxi and according to my friend, he suspects the taxi driver's head cracks open because, in verbatim: "its bleeding....n can see some flesh u kno, the stering also hit his chest i think." *Ergh*

Here's the funny part: due to the impact (or so he says), his pants tore open revealing a pair of bum cheeks because he decided to go commando today. Embarrassed, he decides to disappear from the scene... by taking another taxi!

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!~

So, he left the crash site, leaving behind gibbering panicked Arabs who can't string proper English sentences even though they're studying at a "prestigious university", and a taxi driver bleeding to death, ass exposed- in another taxi!

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!~

Am I the only one seeing humor in this?

Please tell me I'm not the only one...

Let's Take A Walk

2007-10-26T18:15:00.000+08:00

As the end of the semester is fast approaching, the amount of assignments I have to complete just keeps piling up. All the work procrastinated throughout the semester is coming back to bite my ass. So, here I am, stuck at Alcatraz on a rainy Friday slogging away.

Luckily for me, I had this epiphany last Monday. Suddenly everything clicked and all was made clear. All the stuff that I needed to get done, the time left etc- in other words, my brain hit the productive button and screamed "GET YOUR DAMN WORK DONE, BUM!"

But whaddayaknow, I find myself here, typing away on Blogger for a long dead blog. Been ideating and working on the final advertising brief for the past hour or so, so I guess I deserve a break? How I wish one could nail down the mind. It's so easy for me to just slip into a daydream and get distra- why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets? Hmm...

Oh, anyways, where was I? Yea, so here I was "working" when for some reason, my mind just drifted like how a dead log floats on still waters, to "The Past". So, I found myself on Friendster browsing through most of my friend's profiles. Wasn't really looking for anyone in particular, just scanning profiles to see how they're doing.

It's really surreal how much all of us have grown/changed throughout the years. After graduating high school (etc), our lives were literally blown away, strewn across lands like dandelions in search of a better life. It's amazing, yet scary.

One can only wish that time stands still, but we all know that's not possible. There are two elements in life that are certain: One is Death, and the other is Change. Change is inevitable. Change is constant. Nothing stays the same forever, it rarely does. People change, landscapes change, climates change, the list is endless.

As I browsed through Friendster, my mind again wandered off to the good 'ol days. Step by step through memory lane. Then, this deep ache swelled in my chest (people have been known to say I have no heart so I'll stick with their claim) which I'm sure was a bad case of nostalgia. Every event, every young, fresh face; crystal clear like it happened only days before.

How I wish I could freeze frame certain moments in my life where amidst the tearful laughter and fun with friends, lovers, and brothers, for a moment...

Time stood still.

365 Days

2007-10-13T12:16:00.000+08:00

365 days ago.

Through ecstatic highs, and depressing lows.

Through series of miserable bad luck, and lottery windfall of good.

Through rock concerts, and bad movies.

Through gastronomic delights, right down to the nauseating.

Through tight soul knots, to vast kilometers between.

Through it all, we did it our way.

We've emerged stronger from the bad, and tasted the sweet pleasures of the good.

365 days ago.

Hand in hand.

Here's to another 365 days.

XOXOXO

Potty Over Potter

2007-09-06T16:31:00.000+08:00

For some reason, I started reading the latest and last installment of the Harry Potter series 'Deathly Hallows' after giving up at Chapter 3 'Half- Blood Prince'. This sudden urge is either driven by curiosity to see how it ends, who dies, or purely by boredom.

After reading through Chapter 1, I'm already fairly bored. Again. Seriously, J.K Rowling has to be some kind of evil genius. She churns out fundamentally the same shit over and over again and kids just lap it all up. And her bank statement's all the more healthier because of this- 'effing genius.

Most of the books contain the following or something similar (purely what I've observed. Feel free to add more or disagree) :

1) Somebody dies and Harry is either blamed/whining about how it's all his fault/praised and wants to have a go at the antagonist all by his own-

2) After which other characters persuade him otherwise. To which he has a "Oh, I have such great friends" moment. This moment is flogged to death I tell you.

3) There's some conspiracy with the Ministry, Hogwarts, The Order, Voldemort etc. Gawd, it's always who's been under who's curse/power/influence doing bad, bad things.

4) Harry has some lucky escape from 'He- Who- Must- Whatever' and the wizarding fraternity praise him for his bravery. After which he duly plays the role of the reluctant hero. What a twat.

5) He has "emotional" ("emotional" being within the goldfish category) struggles, and for God knows how long, cannot accept his parents/Sirius/Dumbledore is dead. He has to have emo moments and reminisce.

6) Harry despite being a "powerful" boy wizard, always find himself at his horrible relative's house. Look through Book 1- 7. ALWAYS!

I can't think of anymore at the moment, but I bet my last dollar that there are more. Instead of keeping it short and sweet, J.K stretched basically the same story line over 7 books. The only other book longer and thicker than hers are encyclopedias!

Also, if you haven't noticed (you must be blind. I understand) Daniel Radcliffe and gang cannot act! But millions still throng the cinemas like lemmings to be mystified by bad acting and recycled special effects. If that's called acting, I don't see why MSN's emoticons can't win an Oscar.

Seeing how rich and famous these books made J.K, I think I'm gonna start writing at some Kopitiam too. Maybe Ivan's (Congrats, dude!). And make billions, exploiting on the imaginative minds of the next batch of impressionable kids.

I'll name the first book "Mary Potty and the Philosopher's Kidney Stone".

Sounds awesome. I'm sure it'll sell well...

2OLEGEND

2007-08-29T01:44:00.000+08:00

Goodbye, Ole. Thanks for the many wonderful memories.

OLE! OLE! OLE! OLE!

Snapology

2007-08-28T00:08:00.000+08:00

Two of the many that came to send me ass off to Oz. As you can already guess, the handsome one in the middle is me and the two other jokers are my bros.

My girlfriend has been reduced to a 5x5 screen. *sigh* Counting the days till we meet again.

Central North COC Youth at Elinna's yummy birthday lunch. Stuffed myself like a pig.

It's called a raven and they're the size of chickens in Malaysia. Australia's equivalent to Malaysia's crow. Menacing buggers.

My dinner. That I cooked. Myself. Yummilicious!~

Stoning outside my room balcony.

Har De Har Har

2007-08-13T19:21:00.000+08:00

Ever since I've arrived, I've only ever cooked two dinners by myself not counting the awesome, cholesterol shotgun of a pizza made under Elinna's supervision. The above mentioned dinners are... *drum roll*... 'Braised Beef with Onions' and 'Alfredo Pasta with Mushrooms and Bacon'...

... from a can and packet respectively... AHAHA!~

The beef onion stew wasn't bad with bread. But the packet pasta looked like cow vomit. I know, I know! I'm getting there! Haha, gimme a break, just because I've had experience as a kitchen assistant doesn't make me Jamie Oliver, right?

All in good time, friends. All in good time!

***************************************************************************
Last week, as I was shopping for shampoo, I saw this purple bottle on a shelf that had aroma therapy scents for a complete relaxing shower experience. Since I'm all for smelling like a field of roses and aroma therapy in showers, I bought it.

Back home, when it was time to shampoo my hair, I made sure I had a good dollop of gooey, aroma therapy shampoo on my hands and began scrubbing my hair.

Hard as I tried, I just could not get the shampoo to lather up. Naked, wet and confused, I checked the bottle. Everything seemed fine except I somehow managed to miss this word:

CONDITIONER.

Yes, my friends, I've somehow mistakenly bought a bottle of conditioner instead of shampoo. Any wonder why MENSA rejected my member application...

Maloo!!

2007-08-04T11:18:00.000+08:00

Hao Shen and I were having a kick-about in a field nearby due to the beautiful weather after a week of miserable rain. Both our legs were severely itchy for some football (or soccer as it's called here, pfhbt!~) and we were having a good time trying tricks and seeing how bad our aims were.

Later, two kids came to us and asked if they could join us to which we happily obliged. The more the merrier. One guy was from Brazil and was 15 years old, and the other was from Iran, aged 11. Not much competition but it was all in good fun.

After they introduced themselves, we of course began introductions:

"Hi, we're so and so from Malaysia."

"Malaysia?", replied the wee Iranian.

"Yea, Malaysia", Hao Shen replied.

"Oh, my country play with Malaysia. We beat you 2-0!", reminding us of the humiliating Asia Cup farce.

Without skipping a beat, Hao Shen immediately replied,

"Oh, that's not my country!"

LOL!

The Gap Between

2007-07-19T23:28:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow would mark the first week I've been in Perth and so far I'm having a ball. Can't wait for uni to start where I'll be able to make new friends, experience new things and just enjoy life as it should be enjoyed (of course within a certain budget T_T).

Curtin University is gigantic. It's so big, you'd prolly need to camp halfway through to get from one end to the other. It's also very scenic, lots of trees, flowers, a small pond and everything is so well maintained NO PARK IN MALAYSIA can compare. The staff here at the university are also so professional, helpful and friendly you'd wonder how in blue blazes did Lim Kock Wank ever get associated with them.

It's really hard not to criticize Malaysia, tanah tumpah darahku, when you're here. You see all these advancements and you realize Malaysia is going to the dogs. Everything is just so screwed up. If it were not for the food and my family and friends in Malaysia, I wouldn't even consider going back.

Come August 31st, Malaysia would be 50 years old, and those old kampung geezers at the Dewan Rakyat, MP's, politicians etc would be urging everyone to be proud of our country's achievement.

Yea, achievement to them is getting thrashed 5-1, 5-0 and losing ONLY 2-0 is something to be proud of. Achievement is having cops like the ones who blew up the Mongolian patrolling the streets. Achievement is having uneducated M 'you tak suka, you keluar!' P's in the Dewan Rakyat. If that's call achievement, then happy Merdeka.

As for me now, I'm just going to enjoy this experience in Perth as much as I can and come what may in the future. We'll never know. Who knows? Malaysia could one day reach Australian standards if not better.

By that time, it would prolly be Malaysia's 2000th independence anniversary.

We have hope.

Welcome to the First World

2007-07-14T17:32:00.000+08:00

Heya peeps! I arrived safely in Perth and a enjoying it so far. It's pretty cold here. Like Genting at night minus the mist. Everything is so neat and clean here it's almost unreal. Welcome to the First World I say. The night life here is not as bad as what I've been led to believe. Anyways, will update soon. Having a BBQ later :D

Ciao!

The 'It' Encounter

2007-06-29T12:07:00.000+08:00

Just yesterday, I went up to KLCC to surprise Theing for lunch and also to make some inquiries at the Australian embassy. Lunch was good, but the Australian embassy was closed by the time I got there- but this post isn't about either.

This post is about how a fugly transvestite tried to hit on me. I cringe here even as I try to recall yesterday's unfortunate encounter. It makes my hair stand and my balls shrink significantly.

As I was checking out the food stalls at KLCC's food court, I noticed this 'girl' stop to smile in my direction. As I was rather far away then, and my mind fully concentrated on making important decisions like what to eat, I brushed it off.

People can be smiling (or waving) at your direction but you may not always be the recipient. I think I've lived long enough to have at least learnt that.

So, I continued to scan the menus displayed and as I walked past the 'girl', 'she' reached out and made a sweeping touch on my left arm. Taken aback, I turned around to see who touched me and lo and behold- it's a f@#$% TRANNIE!!

'It' was wearing this over-sized sunglasses which is kononla all the rage now, and had this coy smile plastered on 'it's angular face. I swear- 'it' had a jaw more defined than mine! Thank God 'it' had those ridiculously huge sunglasses on or 'it's fugly face would forever haunt my dreams.

Confused, I immediately turned away having lost a good deal of my appetite there and then. I felt as if 'it's hands were all over me, visually caressing every inch of my body and I felt disgusted to my inner core.

Taking Theing's hand (yes, she was there the whole time!) I walked away feeling very dirty and raped. RAPED!!

C'mon, I respect their right to do whatever they bloody want with their lives and bodies, but when they cross the line like that trannie did, I oughtha knock 'it's teeth out. If only 'it's muscles weren't bigger than mine...

Why don't straight girls do this? Be bold enough to make contact, smile... touch? (ehehehe) Why only the fugly trannies? WHY!?

Maybe because they have balls.

David Sparkle No Show

2007-06-15T16:03:00.000+08:00

LATEST UPDATE: I Am David Sparkle (IADS) is pulling out of this show due to some new developments that will prevent us from traveling up and playing the show. Our sincere apologies, and we hope to be up to see our KL friends and fans again soon. - Taken from IADS myspace

@#$%!! I was SO looking forward to watching them play live. From what I've heard so far on their Amp site, their music is just awesome. These past weeks I've been listening to nothing but post-rock, anticipating their gig. But unfortunately now...

Major bummer.

Drama Addict

2007-06-10T21:29:00.000+08:00

For awhile now, my brain has been prodded on like some domestic farm animal, preferably a cow, to think of the numerous possibilities the fascination certain people have with drama. Drama in their lives, drama on TV- basically just drama in every aspect of their existence.

I'm sure by now, all reading has had the unfortunate honor of meeting a proper drama queen/king. Touch wood, you may even have dated one to which I convey my humblest respect at being able to survive, and pity at dating one. I imagine the break up involved twins, bombs, G. Bush Jr. and a dandelion- use any one or, better yet, a combination of all for more dramatical effect.

Why is there a, for want of a better word due to my limited vocabulary- if you want chim chim England go read an Encyclopedia- 'lust' for drama in their lives?

"What? My goldfish which I fed only once ever since I got it 20 years ago died? OHMIGAWWWWD!!! MY LIFE IS OVER!!!"

"What? My mum refused to let me go to the prom? OHMIGAWWWWD!!! I'll be the ONLY VIRGIN in high school!!! NOOOOO- MY LIFE IS OVER!!! I HATE YOU MUM!!!"

"What? You're breaking up with me? OHMIGAWWWWWD!! Hell had no fury like a woman scorned, jackass!!! I'm going to call the Army, Uncle Bus, Osama, the Salvation Army, my mother to screw you over, LOSER!!! MY LIFE IS OVER!!!"

Man, I don't get it AT ALL. Why can't people just look at the big picture? Why must small problems turn into monster problems? Why the TV soaps-like lives? Why the drama? Is it because their lives are really uninteresting that they need gossiping, two timing, bed hopping to spruce it up a little?

It's like they feed of drama. No thanks to countless shows like The Bold And The Beautiful, One Tree Hill, The O.C- just to mention a few, prolly didn't even shave the tip of the iceberg. Those shows make me sick. Boy meets girl, they break up, dates her sister, makes waitress pregnant, sleeps with the family dog and the cycle goes on and on.

In my humble opinion, drama queens/kings need to GROW UP, and get some expert help. It's pathetic. Every time I meet one, I'm laughing AND crying for them. So pitiful yet so funny seeing how they spin their lives.

Are you one? Or can you enlighten me?

Quikie

2007-06-06T11:36:00.000+08:00

As of this moment, I'm over the moon. Ever since releasing Silent Scenery's new music video 'Tale Of A Wooden Door', I've been getting mostly good reviews. But the best news of all, is getting featured on Channel [V]'s Amp video chart sitting pretty at number 3 for two weeks, going on three as you read this.

The video also helped in getting the song, and the band, more exposure which is just excellent. More exposure for the band hopefully will lead to more projects. And maybe, just maybe, PAID projects. Haha.

I'm actually kinda humbled too that our low budget kau kau music video beat other videos which looked more like MTV budget stuff. Ours is KTV budget. The seedy KTV kind. Haha.

Anyways, thanks to Kit, I now have a new band to listen to- I Am David Sparkle, yes, that's what they're called. How cool is that? But even better, their music is awesome! Just heard em' yesterday and I already can't get enough.

EVEN BETTER! They're coming to KL (they're from Singapore) to perform on the 15th. Hot damn- I'm as good as there!

So, get you ass to KL Jam on the 15th at 8PM to catch them. Trust me, when I say they're good, they're better than whatever it is you're listening to RIGHT NOW. Silence or otherwise.

Ian, over and out!

Overdue Blah

2007-05-17T10:02:00.000+08:00

Wow. It's been awhile since I updated anything here. The reason being I've been so busy with assignments especially since my semester is coming to a close and deadlines are lining up and also because I'm just too damn lazy to update. Sorry, my bad.

So, lemme see, what have I been up to? Completed the Air Asia TVC starring (ceeeeehhh!~ Starring siot!) Patty Ng Beef. Haha. No la, it's- NG BEE FONG! Not uploaded yet so be patient. Then completed a host of other graphic assignments which you can check out at my deviantart account.

Then... attended another Fireflies and Something Something gig this time showcasing awesome talents like Azmyl Yunor and Furniture. You should get acquainted with Azmyl Yunor's music. Watch him live with his band The Siggarettes and you'll be blown away. His energy is electric. A must watch!

Also, shot Silent Scenery's music video with the song 'Tale Of A Wooden Door' and was completed and presented yesterday. It was back breaking work. Lots of planning was put into it although we had to adapt and be flexible depending on the situation. But it was all good.

Many thanks to Silent Scenery (Kien Kit, Ivan, Lipei Teoh, Mohd Feroze) for getting the song done on time and in budget. Also to Sajith Jayaweera for making the door a reality and just being so damn helpful. Salute!

Also to my team, who really worked like a team from the get go. Without their dedication, patience and co-operation, this music video would not have been possible. To Ng "Sayang" Huay-Theing, Joanne Yong, Jaswin Kaur and Chua Chin Fern, kudos! I'm proud to have worked with you all. You guys rock!

Anyways, you can look up the video on YouTube. Look under keywords: Silent Scenery, Tale Of A Wooden Door, Music Video and Ian Kirk. Haha. I'm too lazy to embed it here.

So, I think that about sums it all up although I'm sure I missed out some stuff. Oh, my holidays just started but I still have 1 more assignment to hand in. But I'm pretty confident I can hand it up on time. And also, Edgar is back.

Let the party begin.

Rock on!

Trash In Every Sense

2007-04-23T17:00:00.000+08:00

How was Good Charlotte? Lemme be real frank, blunt, and oh so brutally honest- the local acts Jason Lo, Estranged and One Buck Short were way better. I know I'd be accused of being biased but hey, I rocked to 'Hold On' and 'The Anthem', I enjoyed them. Problem was, those were the ONLY rocking good songs and the rest were sadly pop trash.

Pop. Trash. Ashlee Simpleton/ Paris Porn/ Britney Botak kind of TRASH. Sorry but it's true, it's true. I'll spare you GC fans with more details and a mauling.

Here's to GC "moving here and making beautiful Malaysian babies" (pathetic attempt at getting the crowd excited)- UP YOURS!
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The deadlines are lining up relentlessly baying for my blood. I've tons more to do and the pressure is just building. I don't want B's, I want friggin' A's! But we all know my work is at best borderline shit.

Meh.

Skip Good Charlotte. Go Here!

2007-04-20T10:03:00.000+08:00

The Good Charlotte concert is this Saturday. Although I made it clear I'm not interested, I'm being forced to go on the threat of physical and emotional blackmail. Yes, I heart my sayang.

Anyways, I'm not here to promote Good Charlotte, God forbid. Instead, I'm here to tell you of a gig you should by all means go if you know anything about good music. They're giving away Good Charlotte tickets for free but you need to pay RM 12 at this one. See? Ada standard, sial.

The gig I'm talking about is none other than *deep breath* "Tell Your Boss You Had A Late Night With The Clients Discussing Multi- Logistical Developments" *exhales* presented by Fireflies and Something Something. As you can see, the organizers are just oozing with creativity for their names.

Details of the gig are as follows:

Venue: KL JAM ASIA
Date & Time: 26 April @ 8PM
Admission: RM 12

The Top Dogs:
- Silent Scenery
- Azmyl Yunor
- Ask Me Again
- Lightcraft
- and also (it's not listed in the poster BUT!) FURNITURE!! Awesome band that plays Explosions In The Sky kinda music. Worth RM 12 on it's own.

So, whatchoo waiting for? Go to a cheap, loose whore band or go for the hotter mamas at KLJAM? You guys are so smart.

See you at KLJAM.

Psycho Killer Photoshoot

2007-04-17T22:34:00.000+08:00

Roped in Yik Chuan as my model for studio characterization photography assignment. I seem to be using him quite often from the Maggi Mee video to this; there's more planned out for him. Haha!~ His face is quite an director's/photographer's dream. Very expressive especially his eyes. Gawd, jealous giler.

Pathetic attempt at blood- red paint.
Luckily it's supposed to be in black and white.

Anyways, my character was 'Psycho Killer' since I thought that would be rather unique than 'Rock Star', 'Athlete' or something along those lines where there's not much space for creativity. Well, unique my ass when Simon (my lecturer) told me straight up, "Oh, done before." @#$%!! What a kick in the nuts.

Jeng! Jeng! Jeng!Jeng!

The shoot went pretty well, thanks to Jenny who helped me book the lab and sayang Theing who's been an excellent assistant. Too bad she wasn't in a French Maid costume. That would've made this experience more... HAWT. Nyehehe!~

DIE, DIE, DIE!!

There are more pics on Snaap. Check it out!

Man U 7-1 Roma

2007-04-11T21:11:00.000+08:00

I'm at lost for superlatives, adjectives and everything in between. I've just witness Manchester United play scintillating football to tear Roma apart. If I remember right, Totti mentioned something about making Manchester United remember his name before the 1st leg.

Now, HE has to remember a few names: Michael Carrick, Alan Smith, Wayne Rooney, Cristiano Ronaldo, Patrice Evra- heck, remember the whole first eleven that played!

Totti who?

GLORY, GLORY MAN UTD!!

Rockers and Divas on [V]

2007-04-09T22:13:00.000+08:00

The divas are about to invade your weekends, starting with your TV tuned into Channel [V]. Starting this April, Channel [V] will give you a special music treat with some of today's leading female music icons on your Divalicious [V] Rated Weekends.

The emphasis of course, is leading female music icons, ya. So don't be expecting the bald crack whore Britney or po(rn)p star Paris. Tough luck.

So, Kylie Minogue kicks of this musical extravaganza on April 7 with 2 exclusive specials: The Kylie Interview is the only program where this diminutive diva speaks candidly about her year-long medical battle with breast cancer. Respecta!

Then see how Kylie made a triumphant return to stage – complete with feathers, over-the-top outfits and a spectacular stage – in Kylie Minogue: Showgirl Homecoming Tour. Watch Kylie perform all her hits in this memorable comeback concert, including rousing renditions of "Better The Devil You Know”, “Can’t Get You Out Of My Head”, “Spinning Around” and “On A Night Like This”. Kylie will also perform her brand new single, ‘White Diamond’, which was co-written by Jake Shears from Scissor Sisters.

Next comes her royal hotness Beyonce on Week 2 (April 14) in Beyonce: Live In Wembley, a must-watch for every music fan if only to witness Beyonce’s amazing stage presence and brilliance. Following this concert spectacular, CHANNEL [V] turns the spotlight on another music leading lady with her story in music videos. Video[Scope]: Nelly Furtado traces this Grammy winner’s rise from folksy pop to sexy siren in an hour of her best videos.

More divalicious action continues on April 21 with Columbian superstar Shakira: Live and Off the Record. This hour-long concert features candid moments behind the scenes of Shakira’s sold out world tour. Her hips may not lie but tune in to see how she suffers for her art.

The [V] Rated Weekend continues with back-to-back episodes of For the Record featuring Fergie and the Pussycat Dolls. Gwen Stefani rounds up the weekend with her high-octane stage antics, fronting her band in No Doubt: Rocksteady Live.

We round up the Divalicious [V] Rated Weekend on April 28 with the second-to-none, fiercer than fierce true icon – Madonna! (She's still alive?) In a career that has spanned more than 20 years, this Mother of Reinvention (and Botox) has remained on the forefront of pop culture.

With her record-breaking, sold-out Confessions Tour, Madonna showed the world that she’s still a force to contend with, even as she approaches her 49^th birthday. Channel [V] is proud to be the exclusively home of Madonna’s 2-hour Confessions Tour, Live In London. It’s a master-class lesson in performance art, Madonna-style.

[V] Rated Weekends- Divalicious!

Premieres on Saturday at 1pm HK & SIN / 2pm MAL
Repeats on Sunday at 6pm HK & SIN / 7pm MAL

7^th / 8^th April: The Kylie Interview & Kylie: Showgirl Homecoming Tour

14^th / 15^th April: Beyonce: Live In Wembley & Video[Scope]: Nelly Furtado

21^st / 22^nd April: Shakira: Live and Off The Record, For The Record: Fergie & Pussycat Dolls, No Doubt: Rocksteady Live

28^th / 29^th April: Madonna Confessions Tour Live In London

**************************************************************************

Also check out rock group Daughtry, which sounds like Dorothy- so much for gaining genuine rock rep- fronted by American Idol finalist Chris Daughtry who looks like Van Diesel with a little pubic hair growing from under his lip rocking on Channel [V]'s Singled Out artist for April. Catch Chris and his band in a special interview on Poparazzi on Monday, April 16th at 6pm.

Now, Daughtry fans can get closer than ever to their rock idols - Chris Daughtry and his bandmates have designed an Epiphone guitar exclusively for CHANNEL [V]. To be in the running to win this cool collectible, tune in to CHANNEL [V] all month in April for contest details on Daughtry’s video. Answer a simple question about the band and you could score this exclusive Daughtry-designed Epiphone guitar. Closing date for entries is 30th April, 2007.

Yummy!

Check it out, y'all!

HEY! YOU THERE!

2007-04-05T23:04:00.000+08:00

YES, YOU READING THIS BLOG RIGHT THIS VERY MOMENT!

HERE'S A LITTLE LIST OF THINGS YOU HAVE TO DO BEFORE YOU "EXPIRE":

1) VOTE FOR ME!
2) COMMENT TOO!
3) VISIT MY PHOTOBLOG!
4) COMMENT TOO, DAMMIT!

DO IT.

DO IT.

YOUR LIFE WILL BE BETTER OFF- TRUST ME.

Maggi Me

2007-04-04T00:18:00.000+08:00

Yes! It's finally done! The editing didn't take as long as figuring out how to maximize quality and minimize file size which proved to be an almighty pain in the ass. Compressing a 1 min video to fit under 10 MB is no kacang puteh. Either that or I'm plain stupid.

During the editing process, mistakes popped up like giant pulsing zits on an oily adolescent face. Continuity, sound and those little stuff that matter were some of the problems encountered. Did what I could and hopefully it won't turn out all bad.

Anyways, I'm keeping my fingers crossed. The videos' called 'What Did You Say?' under sxhizo.

Go vote for me!

I Love Maggi!

2007-04-02T22:57:00.000+08:00

Last Saturday's Maggi Mee shoot was a complete success. Although many couldn't make it and I couldn't get the right mix of people, a little bit of improvisation and spontaneity can't hurt.

In case you're wondering, I'm taking part in the Maggi Mee Biggest Fan video contest where I have to shoot a 1 minute (max) video showing how I'm Maggi Mee's biggest fan. Sounds simple but I can assure you it's not. Creativity and originality is the key here and those two don't come by easily or else it would be neither.

So, after a few brainstorming sessions, I finally selected a story which would be different from the ones currently found on Maggi Mee's website. The trend is to show how stupid and desperate you are for Maggi Mee and I wanted to break that trend.

Whether I succeeded or not, we'll soon find out. I have all the shots needed and all I need to do now is to start editing and submit before 8th April and hopefully, fingers crossed, win the grand prize- RM 5000. Yummy.

Of course, all this wouldn't be possible if I didn't have the help of all my beloved family and friends. Below are the names of the champions. Thanks a bunch, guys!:

1) Bee Fong
2) Andrew
3) Esther
4) Yik Chuan
5) Sean
6) Joel
7) Ashley
8) Sze Yin
9) Joanne

Anyways, I'll update you here once I've uploaded the video and you can all go and vote for me because I know you want to. Take care, peeps!

*Love, hugs and a nipple tweak*

P/S: Please check out my photoblog and comment. It's collecting dust and I really want feedback. Constructive criticism is very much appreciated. Go, go, go!

To Lim Kock Wank With Love

2007-03-25T21:44:00.000+08:00

Many moons ago, I applied for a scholarship from Lim Kock Wank hoping that I wouldn't have to pay another cent to that wretched place. Deep down, I knew even though they charged a lot, reality is, they're not even worth half. Amazing what one can find out in just one semester.

To cut a long grandfather story short, let's just say I waited and waited and waited for a reply but none came till now. I incessantly bugged NextGen the office in charge of scholarships and such but all I got was "The committee will take a while to decide on scholarships. It's like that."

Seriously, I don't see how deciding who gets scholarships can be so hard. Review the application and it's pretty straight forward from there- yes or no. Simple. But of course, we're talking about the "committee" here who is 'committed' to make life hell for students like me.

So, since I haven't paid my fees because I was waiting for the reply, they have conveniently decided to freeze my results and suspend my student status. So now, to 'unfreeze' myself, I would have to pay my fees and then a fine for late payment.

See how efficient Lim Kock Wank is? When you want money from them, they dilly- dally. But when they want money from you, wahlau, their techniques come straight from the loan shark bible. Suddenly they're fast and efficient. Bloody bloodsuckers!

Anyways, my year leader advised me to write a letter to explain my late payment and ask them to forfeit the fine. Well, based on his advise, here's my letter to Lim Kock Wank with love:

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I, Ian , I.D number ***930- 4*- **45 taking the MCM module and currently in year two semester two, am writing this letter to inform you that the reason for my late payment of fees is due to a pending scholarship application which I have applied for more than 2- 3 months ago of which I have received no reply whatsoever till today.

I demand that no interest, fine or extra charges be added because I'm not going to pay a single cent extra to your corrupted institution for a late payment which is mainly due to your own pathetic incompetence.

Sincerely Up Yours,
IAN WHO HATES YOUR GUTS
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bollocks

2007-03-20T23:11:00.000+08:00

The following is a message from a close friend of Ian- like, really close:

Dear blog readers,

I have come with some major bad news. Recently, because our dear old friend Ian took the foolish liberty of peeing behind any tree he saw like some stray mutt, the pontianak residing there took revenge by severing all of Ian's fingers- like SWOOSH! Nomorefingers- for he had committed the grave sin of wetting her clean laundry.

Don't celebrate yet for our dear friend is still very much alive and well, but due to his severe lack of fingers, he can't blog as often as he used to. Go easy on him because he is trying his hardest to learn to type with his toes after giving up trying to type a complete sentence with his teeth. It wasn't a really hard sentence either- something about a blue dog jumping over the fenced fox... whatever.

This is a hard and trying time for Ian and he would appreciate all the support you can give him. He prefers cash. Cold. Hard. Cash. Oh, he also has a nasty scab on his right knee. Pitiful right? But he doesn't want your pity, dammit, but your respect! Yes, kiss his deformed toes.

So, as I was saying, because he has no more fingers, he needs at least a week or two to grind out a decent post. Maybe longer depending on the amount of shit that's been stored up during the week. You could help him along if you'd just tickle his poop hole. It helps!

Please people, Ian needs all the support he can get right now. Remember cold, hard, cash.

Ian loves you! Take care!

Your's sincerely,
Ian's close friend- like, very close.

Muse-d Inside Out

2007-02-27T10:08:00.000+08:00

From the moment Muse came onto the stage with Matt looking rad in his red jumper, the crowd went absolutely wild! The anticipation before that moment was already boiling way past breaking point with the massive crowd already restless, ready to raise the roof.

For many, this would be their first time watching Muse live in action. Months before the concert, rumors of them performing in Malaysia were circulating on the Internet, already cooking up a storm. So, it was no surprise that with all the anticipation and excitement built up over the months, the concert literally exploded from the get go.

That night, the Muse trio comprising of Matt Bellamy (lead singer/guitarist) , Dominic Howard (drums) and Christopher Wolstenholme (bass) were in their element! They were on fire! Everything they did seem to belie their mortality raising themselves to godlike status, worthy of worship from their fans.

From the Pitt, I could see them so clearly as they were only about 30 m away from me. But of course, I wasn't the only one as I was crushed by waves of sweaty bodies that I thought I wouldn't survive the night and drown under their feet. There wasn't any space to move let alone breath.

This lasted for 3 songs before I decided to back up somewhere safer where I can enjoy the concert with a good view instead of being knocked around to and fro where most of the time I'm concentrating more on staying alive. (edit: "All the souls that would die just to feel alive") From then on, it was moshing and singing to the beautiful music all the way.

Nevertheless, the crowd was amazing. The electrifying, infectious energy bounded back and forth, from band to fans vice- versa. Matt probably didn't have to sing much that night as the whole stadium sang along with him, word for word, pitch for pitch (we tried anyway). It was just beautiful. It was like a gathering of people Muse land singing to our national anthems.

Songs we sang our hearts out to:

1. Knights Of Cydonia
2. Hysteria
3. Supermassive Black Hole
4. Butterflies & Hurricanes
5. Assassin (Grand Omega Bosses Edit)
6. Citizen Erased
7. Hoodoo
8. Apocalypse Please
9. Feeling Good
-piano ditty-
10. Sunburn
11. Starlight
12. Plug In Baby
13. Map Of The Problematique
14. Time Is Running Out
15. New Born
16. Soldier's Poem
17. Invincible
18. Stockholm Syndrome
-mishmash of riffs-
19. Take A Bow

With the concert over, I emerged from the stadium drenched in sweat that would've filled a gallon tank easily. Moshing at a rock concert is as good as any other exercise. Trains your legs, arms, vocal chords, lungs... See? It's a healthy activity I should make a habit from.

For those who love Muse but didn't attend this concert, I'm honestly telling you, you'll live to regret to the very core of your inner being. If possible in your uncertain lifetime, please, please do your soul a favor and go to a Muse concert. Their Best Live Act award seems too modest an accolade. It's justified a thousand times over. Must see to believe!

It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life... and I'm feeling good~

Cheers!

*Pictures taken from Magblues and Yourheadsnotright. Thank you. Please don't sue me.

Boar Season

2007-02-17T15:50:00.000+08:00

The Chinese New Year is upon us once again. What better reason- or should I say- more reason to stuff our faces silly with new year goodies! It's during festivities that our innate Malaysian appetite is at it's peak.

Forget the stupid diet you struggled to abide by as your New Year's resolution. You can start again next year. And the next. And the next. This is the time to makan! And makan is what all we Malaysians do best. When it comes to food, Malaysia very boleh!

Also, since I'm always trying to gain some weight so I can push my weight around in future, I will do my best to binge on any food I can get my grubby hands on. I'll stuff myself to the point of bursting. Eat, eat, eat! Gluttony at it's finest! Good!

As I'm now a mere 60 kg, which is a little light for my height, hopefully this Chinese New Year I'll gain at least another 5 kg. Wish me luck! May the spirit of the Boar guide me!

GONG HEI 'FAT' CHOY EVERYONE!!

Gone

2007-02-17T10:50:00.000+08:00

As the barber's electronic clippers effortlessly glided through my once thick and long hair, I felt a sense of liberation. Like one of a man being born again right there in that barber's chair. And yet, as every wad of my hair crumpled down on my lap and around the chair, I couldn't help but feel extremely heartbroken as well.

There'll be no more wind in my hair. No more combing my fingers through it- to feel it's length and volume. No more waking up with hair in my mouth. No more waiting aeons just for it to dry. No more many things. No more many things I will so definitely miss.

As soon as I stepped out of the barber's, I immediately missed it as the sun practically began to cook my almost naked scalp and my brains (or what's left of it) in the process.

But what's the big deal right? My hair grows faster than Bush's thick compilation of lies and before you know it, I'll have my long hair back. Maybe by the end of this year. Who knows?

The funny thing is, not long after the haircut, I felt really, really great! Fantastic, elated and liberated- expressed by my nude dance moves and nude air guitar complete with head banging after my shower to The Strokes. Yes, I performed the nudie jiggy.

Yea, I felt great and alive.

But I still miss my damn long hair!

P.S: I wanted to take about a gazillion pictures from every single angle possible to show you my amazing new haircut but my camera's lens burst the moment I pressed the shutter. Bummer.

Good Samaritans, Beware!

2007-01-29T20:21:00.000+08:00

Good Samaritans beware! My mum just told me of how her colleague was robbed by two armed robbers and although stories like these are normal, it's how they did it that you should take note.

According to my mum, her colleague was driving alone when a man on a motorcycle fell in front of him. He looked like he needed some help so her colleague went down to help him. But before he could react, he had a broken bottle held to his neck by the accomplice and was robbed of pretty much everything he had.

You've probably already heard plenty of cases like these before and it just serves as another reminder that we citizens of Malaysia are never truly safe in our own community, neighborhood, heck, even our homes.

There's no way we can be good citizens and not be exploited one way or another. Even helping people can get you robbed. Is it any wonder why the public are so apathetic when someone truly needs help? Why, in helping, they could be victims themselves.

So, the next time some suspicious looking motorcycle falls in front of you, your best bet is to ignore him and run him over. It wouldn't hurt to go over him a few more times just to be sure.

You'll be doing Malaysia a truly great service by removing these scum.

(P.S: Should by some extreme stroke of bad luck the motorcyclist you ran over is innocent, remember, you don't know me, you never heard of this blog, and I didn't tell you to run him over. I'll be praying for you. XOXO)

Ticket To Rock

2007-01-23T22:39:00.000+08:00

Guess who has the ticket to ROCK!?

It can't get any better than 'The Pitt' tickets and from what I see on youtube from Muse in Singapore, this is definitely one concert I cannot miss.

33 days more sial... 33 days more...

Reality TV: On The Lot

2007-01-20T12:01:00.000+08:00

Finally, a reality TV show that has me feeling all tingly in my pants. Presenting "On The Lot", a reality TV show created by the evil genius who brought the world "Survivor" and "The Apprentice", Mark Burnett, together with movie maker maestro Steven Spielberg.

In a nutshell, "On the Lot" is slated to air on STAR MOVIES in May 2007. Each week, 16 hopefuls shall produce short films from a chosen genre, running the gamut from comedies to thrillers, personal drama to romance, sci-fi to horror. They will have access to the best resources the industry has to offer – professional writers, cast and crew, even Hollywood celebrities.

When the contestants are done battling short time frames, budget constraints and the chaos that comes with making a film, their works will debut in front of an unforgiving LIVE audience. The films will be judged by a high-ranking motion picture executive, a prominent movie critic and a succession of well-respected guests, including actors and directors who are experts in specific genres.

Ultimately though, they must be able to stand up to the harshest critic of all … the public.

Follow in the footsteps of successful Asian film pioneers who have paved the way, and put your masterpiece in the spotlight today! How, you ask? It’s easy.

All you have to do is fill in the official form, submit a 30-45 second introduction of your film and of yourself as a filmmaker, and the film itself (for films longer than 5 minutes, a trailer is required).

All films must be English-subtitled if they are in a foreign language, and contestants must be aged 13 and older.

If you are convinced that you have what it takes, submit a film BEFORE FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 16, 2007, for a chance to earn a US$1-million film development deal at DreamWorks and seal your place among Hollywood’s talented elite. Simply log on to http://www.startv.com/onthelot for all submission details.

So, heads up FTV students and aspiring film makers! This may be your chance to make it big! think Hollywood! Think blockbusters! Think millions and billions of cash!

Fame and fortune awaits!

Jiak Pa Boh Kang Cho

2007-01-18T17:28:00.000+08:00

Literally meaning "Eat full , no work to do", this Hokkien saying used on people with nothing better to do with their time aptly describes my situation now. Just to kill time until dinner, I decide to photocopy my face in all it's grotesque glory just because I can. Time well spent, eh?

School starts on 22nd. Bah!

Can't wait.

Update- d

2007-01-15T09:32:00.000+08:00

It's been awhile since I last updated, as in really updated with some good ol' crap. Yes, I'm guilty as charged. I could've sworn I saw a family of spiders scurry away in panic when I opened my Blogger account.

So... yeah, a lot has happened during my hiatus so I'm not even going to try to recollect and blog it as it might take a few decades and it'll probably bore you to death halfway through. But, just to keep you abreast on my current situation- if you even give a damn- here's everything in a nutshell:

- Got a job as a data entry clerk for Estee Lauder companies finance dept. Worked for 10 days and it was boring as Chelsea.

- Someone knocked into the rear side of my car somewhere in Southern Park. Got paid RM 65 for damages. Lucky me.

- Had a blast at the New Year's party at Edna's place. Wa- wa- wee- wa!

- Attended another Butterfingers gig at Zouk. It was awesome with the return of guitarist maestro Loque. Shuck!~

- Went to Genting to fertilize the trees... Greenpeace!

And that wraps up what was a rather interesting month... or two. Anyways, enough about me. How are my readers? If I have any? Just to be sure? Right.

Anyways, come Jan 17th I'll be heading back to that big, black depressing building located in Cyberjaya ruled by the Men In Black. They're supposedly a creative, innovative place but all they have is black. Ironic.

I promise to blog a little more consistently so that all of you can have a good hearty laugh at my expense.

Thank you very much.

1/1/2007

2007-01-01T13:40:00.000+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2007!

Yesterday's party was just a blast and if these moments of euphoria continues throughout the new year, I'm sure it'll be an awesome rocking one!

May this year see a tide of good fortune come my way as I'll never survive another run of bad luck like the previous weeks. Not only for me, but to all my beloved family and friends and especially Theing who have been with me through thick and thin- I can't ask for more. Love you guys lots!

Here's to a rocking 2007!

Cheers and Rock On!

Closet Surfers

2006-12-10T22:00:00.000+08:00

WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

*inhales*

WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

I found this small article in today's Star absolutely hilarious given it's impeccable timing. The headline read: "Most porn surfers from Kota Baru and Kuantan".

Waitaminute... Kota Baru? Isn't that Kelantan, the state which just recently decided to slap RM500 fines on "indecently" dressed women in order to "protect their virtue"? The state with leaders that is supposedly very grounded in their religion and preaches it like the pompous pricks they are?

Whaddayouknow, Kelantan (and not forgetting Kuantan) has the most smut surfers! What is being adhered by in public is obviously just a facade thrown aside along with their sarong when they're in front of their PC.

Now, I wonder what's their next move after this revelation. Ban the Big Bad Internet? Slap RM500 fines to the women of porn?

I wonder...

Fine! Fine! Fi- NOT!

2006-12-08T23:00:00.000+08:00

Just recently, the great "holy" government of Kelantan decided to start dishing out RM 500 fines to women who dress indecently. According to their public relations officer who is doing one helluva job, MPKB (Kota Baru Municipal Council) will no longer tolerate skimpy outfits, following mounting complaints from the public.

It seems there are certain shop assistants and waitresses that donned sexy and tight fitting outfits in order to attract more male customers. According to their new ruling, indecent would mean the following:

This controversial move was fully supported by their Mentri "Besar", Datuk Nik Abdul Aziz Nik Mat, who said that the fine would help women protect their virtue. You know, I love this guy. He can come up with the most nonsensical quotes and thousands agree and adore him for it.

It's like listening to Harold and Kumar- only they'll probably make more sense.

Feast your eyes on this gem of a quote:

“Why do people keep their money in wallets or purses instead of walking about with it openly?” mused the wise "holy" man of the East Coast. “This is because cash is something precious, just like a woman’s virtue."

Wooooah!! Wasn't that just genius and insightful? Now, why didn't I think of that? Superb! So from now on, keep all your Mercedes, BMW's, big luxurious houses and anything precious, heck, even your virginity somewhere in the hutans of Kelantan.

The implication is once again on the poor womenfolk who for countless times have to put up with these "holy" men whose brains are embedded in their saggy left testicle.

As the All-Women’s Action Society (Awam) executive director Honey Tan said, "Forcing women to bear the burden of morality is discriminatory and a violation of their rights. It is not the job of the council to become the 'moral police', and if it is concerned about the community it serves, it should encourage men and women to respect each other regardless of their dressing."

I couldn't agree more. I wonder when are people in Kelantan going to wake up and realize what village idiots they have as leaders and have them condemned to a nursing home. My worse fear is that Kelantanese are of the same breed. Die.

This afternoon I sent in a cartoon to The Star regarding this issue. It's been awhile but it's never too late. Anyways, you as my readers have the privilege to read it first if they do decide to print it anytime soon. If not, well... you still get to read a kick ass cartoon, heh.

Enjoy.

The "Party"

2006-11-30T17:14:00.000+08:00

Ok, so I was late and missed the earlier part of Ryan Tart's Rockstar party where it seems Maya Karin and Sarah Tan were giving out free gifts and hugs (DAMMIT!) but at least I made it just in time for the performance which was what I really wanted to see in the first place right? ... right...

Oh well, just like this post, it's better late than never- even if you missed Sarah Tan and a free drink which costs an arm at Zouk. Literally, they'll have to tear my limbs apart to get me to pay that kind of money for a measly glass of Coke.

Anyways, I thought since we were already there, why not stay to watch the performance which was really why we braved the rain, the traffic, and sacrificed a decent dinner for right? It's the performance right? Right? ...right...

Hmm... how should I describe the performance? Lemme see, let's put it this way- I was more fascinated with the UV light effects than anything Ryan Tart did. Admittedly, the man can sing. Oh, yes he can. His voice his awesome. And I even found out his earlier influences were Nirvana which is never wrong in my books.

But his songs, sigh, his songs are repetitive. If you've heard one, you've probably heard them all. They all sound almost the same. From the first to the last song, there was hardly any difference.

Why is he so popular then? Well, from what I observed, his showmanship, his good looks and his good voice form an orgasmic threesome. The girls were practically foaming at the mouth over him. "Ryan! Woooo!! Ryan! Woooo!!" Don't tell me that's not rabid.

Nobody really bothered that his songs were similar. All they really cared was that here was Ryan Star, winner of Rockstar Supernova, handsome, dashing, playing the guitar and piano, singing his heart out, at Zouk, with beautiful people all around and it's all soooo 'cool'.

Pfhbt!~ I was out the door before it even ended proper.

Some party. Meh.

More Butter, Please

2006-11-29T00:03:00.000+08:00

Here are more pictures from the Butterfingers gig:

The band in action.

Omg... who are the handsome dudes in the crowd?

Goreng, Emmett, goreng!

For more, go here.

Butterfingers Butterawesome

2006-11-28T12:00:00.000+08:00

Every time I attend a rock gig, when I'm heavily involved in the thick of the action moshing in the middle with other sweaty rock heads, singing along to the songs learned by heart and receiving the sonic blessings from the rock gods who shred the guitars and pound the drums in ear splitting clarity through the loud speakers, I feel complete and very much alive.

That was exactly how I felt when I attended a small gig by Malaysian rock legends Butterfingers at Hartamas recently. With limited tickets, I was lucky I had Kit who immediately bought our tickets to rock before it was completely sold out which was really, really fast.

The crowd.

It was the anniversary of Butterfingers 1.2 Miligrams album which was released approximately 10 years ago and they had to celebrate it in style with or without Loque, the guitarist who is currently in the US studying. But even though it was one member short, they still had the crowd eating out of their hands.

As expected, there was lots of loud feedback, guitar shredding and incisive thumping drums fueled purely by rock energy delivered to the seemingly pulsing crowd who for throughout the gig continued their adrenaline powered moshing.

Butterfingers rocking.

It was a beautiful showcase of synergy where the band fed on the energy from the crowd and vice versa. Hit after hit such as Chrome, Royal Jelly, Niccotyne, Naive Sick Chasm among many others were performed bringing us back in time to the heydays of the grunge era. It was the 90's all over again and we loved every bit of it.

Emmett basking in glory.

From start to explosive finish, it was here that I surrendered myself completely to the sonic assault, more than willing to drown in the 'noise' engulfing my entire psyche. It was within this period that I completely shut myself off from the world and where nothing else mattered. It was just me and the music.

Everything else is a blur...

I observed this girl who came with her boyfriend who looked like she wasn't having such a good time but neither was her boyfriend who was shielding her non stop from the rowdy moshers. She looked on disdainfully and aloof at the proceedings probably wishing she was somewhere else.

I guess she failed to read the message written on the Wall of Fame right across her which so rightly read: "Not something for everyone, but everything for some". How true. And that about sums up the energetic crowd and their devotion to having a rocking good time unlike some prissy princess.

The band minus Loque and Loco.

For the rest of the night after the gig, I swear, I thought my knees were about to give way. My knees and legs were sore from all the jumping and moshing and I had the biggest urge to just dump them in a hot bucket.

With Emmett and Kit.

With Kalai.

With Kadak... and my hand still won't stay down, haha!

But I can tell you honestly, I felt alive and so invincible- it felt so great to be walking the silent, chilly, wet streets illuminated by colorful lights with the songs still playing in my head. Not many things can rival this adrenaline high.

I'm officially in love with Buttersound. "Everything for some".

When is the next gig? :)

Casino Royale

2006-11-22T18:00:00.000+08:00

Bond. James Bond. Ever since I was a kid, I was always fascinated Agent Double O Seven who was then played by Pierce Brosnan. James Bond to me, was the ultimate alpha male. Saving the world in smart suits, driving fast cars, and bedding hot women appealed to me greatly.

Of course, after doing a bit of growing up although not much I must admit, my secret fantasy faded through the years, buried layer after layer by the truths of reality. But after watching the latest Bond installment Casino Royale with tickets supplied by Channel [V] yesterday, I have to admit, my fascination with Bond was rekindled.

Casino Royale is, in my most humblest opinion, a much better Bond movie than it's predecessors in a sense that it's much grittier and more realistic. Here, you see Bond slip, bruise, cut, bleed and die (almost anyway). There's no such thing as saving the day without breaking a sweat or ruining a suit anymore.

Also, this time, instead of elaborate (but useless) torture methods found in previous Bond movies, we get a torture method that is really ball crunching. Literally. If I were to be subjected to that kind of torture, God forbid, I'd be the terrorists walking, talking info bank in an instant.

The witty sarcastic remarks made by Bond during the torture scene is worth the price of a ticket. It had me laughing hard and at the same time cupping my balls in empathetic pain. Quite a feat considering it's not Jackass.

When Daniel Craig was chosen to play the latest Bond, replacing the old horse Pierce Brosnan, there were objections from rabid fans worldwide because Craig is blond (Bond is supposed to have slick jet black hair) and he looks more like a thug than a sexy, suave secret agent.

Honestly, I have no idea what the big fuss is about. Craig was excellent as Bond. Admittedly, he's not as good looking or suave as the others but he kicks ass. Let me put it this way: if you were a blood thirsty terrorist, which Bond would you be more afraid of?

This macho, tough looking Bond who could break your neck...

Or this more pussy looking one who could break your finger?

I rest my case but the choice is yours. But I'd take on Brosnan Bond any day and avoid at all cost Craig Bond. Man, this dude packs a mean punch. Watch the movie and you'll agree with me before you have even warmed your seat.

Now, if you'd excuse me, I'm a rather busy man. I have a world waiting to be saved and a woman (or women) to make mind blowing love to. Hurry along now and get me a vodka, shaken not stirred, of course. And you will remember to now address me as Bond. Ian Bond.

Out!

P/S: Tune in to The Ticket's MovieDate later at 8 p.m on Channel [V] Astro Channel 72 to stand a chance to win a trip for 2 to Sydney to see Casino Royale Premier together with Daniel Craig and the rest of the stars. Tengok, jangan tak tengok!

Bad Luck Kau Kau Pt. 2

2006-11-19T23:39:00.000+08:00

(cont'd)

Steaming though the ears after realizing I drove all the way to Dengkil for nothing, I started my long drive back, raining curses on the useless police. The drive back would take roughly about close to an hour, so you can imagine my frustration especially when my iPod is gone and the only entertainment I have is either Hitz.Fm or Fly. Not much of an option so I drove in silence.

It was bad enough I was feeling a little drowsy, the monotonous drone of the car engine didn't help matters. I was on the Kesas highway after the last toll near Kota Kemuning, driving about 90-100 km/h when suddenly, I fell asleep.

Yes, yes- I fell asleep behind the wheel. A narcoleptic attack I didn't know I was capable of. I remember driving and the next thing I know, I awaken to a loud crash. The scary thing is, I didn't even know I was sleeping.

After pulling my car over to the side to inspect the damage, only then did I realize that I drifted from the middle lane into a trailer lorry on the left. A big ass, long haul trailer lorry, mind you and not some Rempit biker which I wouldn't mind creaming.

Thankfully, the driver was more concerned about me, constantly asking me whether I'm alright and what happened instead of making a big fuss. Obviously, the lorry had nary a scratch but my car was missing a side mirror and the front wheel axle and left door is screwed.

Only within 4 days, I was struck with all these misfortune you'll now understand why I feel cursed. I've never had such wretched luck in my life. On one hand, it's lucky I escaped with my life; on the other, my holidays are ruined because I now have to work to repay everything.

The only thing I can say to console myself is "Shit Happens", but hopefully, the next time (CHOI!) more bad luck come my way, I hope I don't get the whole friggin' load.

Take care, people!

Bad Luck Kau Kau Pt. 1

2006-11-16T13:47:00.000+08:00

It's been one long and hectic week, one riddled with more bad luck since the break in. I cannot even begin to fully emphasize on how long, hectic and bad luck it all was. The events during the past week did nothing to smother my suspicions that somebody has me in their cross- hair and is determined to curse me out of sight.

In one week alone, I'd have enough bad luck back to back to last me a lifetime. Hopefully, this would be all in my lifetime. If not, it's bye- bye, sayonara Ian, down you go 6 feet under.

Just days after the break in, I made a police report at the Port Klang police station. I, being the hopeless hopeful that I am, naively and ignorantly thought that at this day and age of the Internet, I could make my police report anywhere. Then, after making the said report, I remembered I was living in Malaysia where efficiency is just another word.

A policewoman took down my report and suggested I send the printed report to Dengkil, a small town somewhere nearby Cyberjaya which is actually quite a drive away. She referred me to a Sergeant officer in charge there and he demanded on phone, yes, demanded, that I go there on the same day.

Seeing I couldn't make it on that day itself, I tried to negotiate with him and told him I'll be there the next day. But of course, he insisted that I go there immediately after all, he's a busy Sergeant and I'm only a wanking student.

Like I said, at this day and age, couldn't the police take down my report in Port Klang, take some pictures of the car and send it all to Dengkil through the Internet? Do they even know what is the Internet or do they still communicate using smoke signals? Then I noticed the police woman's PC used to type down my report was exactly like the one cooped up in Museum Negara and was, I think, briefly mentioned in our Form 3 History text books.

Resigned to my fate, I drove all the way to Dengkil the next day hoping to sort the matter out. There, I was told by the above mentioned Sergeant through the phone to go back since he's not on duty. The lackadaisical attitude of the front desk officers didn't help matters.

Frustrated, I left the police station empty handed. My trip there was a total waste of time and money. While walking past a mural on the wall at the police station, I noticed it proudly stated there: "Mesra, Cepat dan Betul". What bollocks. It's so full of bullshit it stank. I'd never had a bigger urge to take a piss on that mural in my life.

But wait- the best is yet to come.

(to be cont'd)

Die, Scum- DIE!

2006-11-11T00:08:00.000+08:00

It all played out like some sick joke. It's amazing how small, insignificant things add up to something you'd never thought would happen to yourself. You've always heard it happen to a friend, of a friend, of a friend, and you'd feel a tinge sorry and that would be it. But it never did occur to you that you'll one day be the victim. Victim to the scum of the earth.

Victim to a car break in.

The following is a brief summary of the chain of events before the break in and how it all adds up later:

- I planned to stay till 9 p.m. to start my editing work which was already behind schedule last Thursday.
- I didn't plan on bringing the video camera along at first but thought I might need some extra shots.
- Theing, of all days, decides to bring along her laptop.
- Jasdev gives me a call for a favor to pick up some stuff for him which I duly obliged.
- Jasdev's group needs to use my Mac badly so I decided to let them have it for the day and start tomorrow instead.
- I didn't capture my final production short film footages because of that.
- I decided to leave earlier since I can't use the Mac.
- Walked Jasdev to the car to collect his stuff before deciding to go back for John's little birthday celebration.
- Kept the laptop, the video camera and my bag in the car boot thinking it would be safest.
- Returned back to the car after the birthday celebration 45 minutes later only to find:

Desecrated.

My back seat was ripped wide open and the laptop, video camera, my bag containing my sweater, iPod shuffle, glasses and notes are ALL GONE! GONE!

The thieves, in broad daylight mind you (it was around 5-6 in the evening), even with my car parked beside the bus stop with people walking about, managed to unlock my car front door and proceed to rip apart my back seat to get to the items in the boot.

WHAT BALLS! WHAT DESPOS! IN BROAD DAYLIGHT WITH PEOPLE AROUND- RIPS APART THE BACK SEAT! RIPS IT APART!! WHERE WERE THE PEOPLE!? WHAT WERE THEY DOING!? WANKING!? @#$%!!

Journey to the center of my boot.

Now, because I couldn't capture my footages into the Mac, I have to reshoot the whole damn thing. Also, I'll have to repay my cousin for her lost camera and fix the car. They were right, crime does not pay- THE VICTIMS DO! I'll probably be in debt till the day I die.

Where's the justice?! The guards say it's not their responsibility since it happened outside of the campus- a mere 30m away from the guard house. The police can't do squat (as usual). The thieves are getting bolder. Where's the damned justice?! There's none.

What really gets to me is how nobody saw the incident- OR, even if they did, did nothing to stop it. Did they think it was normal for someone to RIP APART THE FRIGGIN' BACK SEAT TO GET TO THE BOOT!? "Hey, I wanna take something from the boot- LET'S RIP THE @#$% BACK SEAT!"

The world is getting more screwed up by the day. I'm just plain screwed.

May the thieves die a very slow and torturous death only be resurrected to repeat their painful cycle of death for all eternity. I've had it with these scum. The next one I meet is going to either taste my fist or if he's lucky, bite some metal.

Take care, all!

Channel [V] Party For Ryan Star

2006-11-01T12:12:00.000+08:00

Psst. You there. Lemme tell you a secret. Dig your filthy ears and listen closely: Ryan Tart is coming to Malaysia! Yes, RYAN TART! Er... wait... that's not right- RYAN STAR!- yes, ladies and gents, RYAN STAR is coming to Malaysia!

Ok, ok, I confess I don't really know much about him. For all I know, he could probably be the friendly man who sells me my daily nasi lemak, but what I do know is that he's coming here to Malaysia in conjunction with Astro's 10th Anniversary, flown in exclusively from wherever he's from by the good people at Channel [V].

The best part is, Channel [V] is organizing a kick ass party for our friend Tart at Zouk, KL and is giving away exclusive party passes to lucky, lucky fans. All you have to do is tune into Astro, Channel 72 for contest details and before you know it, you'll be partying with a rock star!

Now, the good news is that I myself has gotten an exclusive pass to this party happening on the 16th of November! Wait, that's not the best part. The best bit is that most Channel [V] VJ's will be in attendance and my sources tell me that Sarah Tan is one of them. Sweeeet!~

Details are as follows:

Channel [V] Presents Ryan Star in Malaysia
Date: Thursday, 16th November 2006
Time: 7.30pm
Venue: Zouk KL

This event is brought to you by Channel [V] and
supported by:
· Zouk KL (Official Venue Sponsor)
· Hot (Official Magazine)
· Kosmo! (Official Malay Newspaper)
· Mix FM (Official English Radio Station)
· Era FM (Official Malay Radio Station)

So, what are you waiting for? Tune into Channel 72 and keep it there until you yourself nick a couple of passes and get the once in a lifetime chance to party with ME, Ryan Star and Sarah Tan. It doesn't get any better than this especially since Yours Truly is thrown into this already very sweet deal.

Rock on!

Stormbreaker Stinks

2006-10-26T22:00:00.000+08:00

There will come a day, when one will realize that we have an inherent duty to serve mankind. To help and ease the suffering of your fellow species in any way possible. That is why there are so many multimillion dollar non- profit organizations formed around the world to assist the afflicted.

You name it, we've got it. But forget about AIDS, the starving children in Africa, the maimed, the discriminated- I've found a cause far greater that requires our immediate attention and swift action. I'm now doing my duty to warn you of this great plague that has just descended upon us and your duty now is to spread the word. Pay attention, child:

The plague I've just mentioned has recently just attacked our cinemas. The devil came in the form of Stormbreaker, a spy thriller movie based on the best selling series of books by Anthony Horowitz. Yours Truly, unfortunately, was a victim of this monstrous movie and I'm now warning you to stay clear of this turkey.

I sincerely apologize for the bad picture quality.
Did this using Paint as my Photoshop is AWOL.

From the start to end, this movie insults your intelligence and smugly farts in your face for actually parting with hard earned cash to watch it flop. It has a conspiracy, spies, women, hi- tech gizmos, a kung fu savvy protagonist- all staple of the spy/action fare.

Too bad the conspiracy was crap, the spies was crap, the women- crap, the hi-tech gizmos- crap, the kung fu- nose pickings at best. "Well, at least they had Alicia Silverstone," some of you would foolishly say, making fully sure I ostracize you due to your pathetic mental capacity.

Hello?? Alicia Silverstone? The actress who 'acted' as Batgirl? Ms. Match? Hello?! Am I the only one insulted here? She has the full acting capability of a rock, that I can assure you. Even Mariah Carey has better acting talent than her- and that's not even a compliment for the both of them.

Here are more reasons why you should opt for castration before your eyes are even exposed to Stormbreaker:

1) Spy boy escapes his pursuers by shooting his harpoon onto a enemy helicopter about to depart.
- This scene, I presume, is to show how clever the spy boy is (don't ask me his name- I don't care!) by escaping via enemy helicopter. But I wonder why the pilot, knowing that he had an extra passenger, didn't just land again? Instead, he continues on flying until he is controlled by Spy boy- using truth serum (!?)- to fly to his preferred destination.

VERDICT: STUPID!

2) Spy boy manages to sneak around a top secret facility.
- Throughout this movie, there are security cameras at train stations and even graveyards eyeing Spy boy's every move. But surprise, surprise- there are NONE at a TOP SECRET, HIGH SECURITY facility where Spy boy had the luxury to tour around like as if his father owned it.

VERDICT: OUTRAGEOUSLY STUPID!

3) The evil nemesis who looks like a drag queen.
- He spends billions and billions of money to create a 3D educational program that will be transported to all the schools which would then be used to release a toxic gas that will kill all the innocent children- all because he was verbally tormented by the current President as a kid.

It's bad enough he spends so much to perfect a machine whose sole purpose is to release gas- whoops!- he does it because he was teased as a kid. AND. AND- his 'deadly' machine can be stopped simply by destroying the big red activation button (WTF!?) or by simply yanking of any cable Spy boy fancies. WOW- ISN'T THAT JUST INSPIRED GENIUS!?

VERDICT: ABSOLUTELY REEKS OF IDIOCY!!

If by now, after reading all this, and you still do not feel that your intelligence has been insulted, stomped and spat on, then my friend, you have none to begin with. If just for a moment, you feel that you would enjoy this movie, then go ahead, by all means. Just don't come back to this blog and stay 1km away from me.

There's only so much my heart can take. It's one thing to be cheated into a stupid movie, it's madness altogether to watch it voluntarily fully aware of the hazards. Go your way, fool. Go your way.

As for the smart people, the geniuses I would be honored to be associated with, go out and warn your fellow men. Spread the news- blogs, SMS, MSN, Friendster- make yourself heard. Stormbreaker must be bombed out of the cinema. The director and the lot of them should never be able to find work again. It is my wish that my message and sacrifice would not be in vain.

Bless you all.

Rating: (Is this even necessary anymore?) CRAP. BULL. RUBBISH.

P/S: Ewan McGregor made a cameo appearance... Yeah, he did...

Post Deadline Blues

2006-10-21T11:40:00.000+08:00

Finally! The holidays are here! Although it's only for a week, boy, do I really need this. Having had deadlines nipping at my ass for the past 2 weeks where I had an avalanche of assignments to hand in back to back, I was on the verge of a total physical and mental combo breakdown.

My situation wasn't exactly improved in any way when my group member suddenly decided he didn't want to do his part, only informing me through a friend on the day of submission. THROUGH a friend, ON the day of submission, NOT doing his part. It's a friggin' miracle I didn't rupture a vein or shove a burning poker down his throat.

An emergency meeting with my lecturers was then arranged to sort out the problem. Again, it was a miracle exceeding even the parting of the Red Sea that we didn't lose our tempers. Moses would've been proud. Voices were raised but it was a rather civilized debate.

After an hour or so of 'friendly' talks, it seems that my group member didn't want to do his part on purpose all because he was pissed off I was too direct in shooting down his bullshit. It's a long story but the gist of it was that I was already stressed up and here he comes and gives unproductive ideas which was, obviously, mercilessly shot to the ground by me in the most sarcastic manner possible.

So he's hurt.

He's hurt that I didn't take into account his feelings. Oh, for crying out loud- he's already 19 and in University and he still expects people to babysit him?! @#$%!!

*straightens up* Anyways, we ended our discussion peacefully and we made up. At least I think we did for the time being. I admit I was a little too callous in handling him, but when I'm in a pissy mood, I rarely suffer fools.

Luckily I have Theing and the holidays to look forward to. I'm planning on putting on some extra kilos during the holidays which shouldn't be too hard seeing all the mutton, curry and goodies I'll eventually be getting my grubby hands on.

To everyone celebrating Deepavali and Hari Raya- Happy Deepavali and Selamat Hari Raya, d-Uh! Haha, what else were you expecting? Happy Bar Mitzvah? :D

Here's to the extra kilos, the increased blood pressure, the cholesterol and the satisfaction of gorging ourselves silly with scrumptious festive offerings-

Cheers!

Plan B For Sarah

2006-10-11T12:45:00.000+08:00

Sarah Tan. Mention that name to any hot blooded young male and you can be sure a hormonal charged frenzy will ensue. Throw in a picture of her wearing anything skimpy and wars will be fought, nations will fall and wet dream carnivals soon follow.

This month, Sarah Tan's long, droolicious legs were given due attention on Plan B's magazine cover. It introduces Sarah as 'Sex on Legs' and who could blame them really. The freckled vixen that regularly teases viewers via Channel [V] just oozes with sex appeal. I dare say I sometimes tolerate the pop trash videos shown just to watch her.

Legs... the legs...

Anyways, I flipped through the magazine homing straight for the section on Sarah and was greeted with gorgeous pictures of her. I may have gasped a little too loud which explains the curious stares my direction. C'mon, give me a break- the woman is smokin' hot! Any wonder how she bagged the third sexiest woman in Asia FHM's 100 Sexiest Women in the World for 2004 title. Hmm...

It's during these times after seeing beautiful pictures like these that I truly envy the photographers. I'd give my arm and my third leg just to be at the photo shoot to watch the goddess in action. It seems, she's seeing Jien that Malaysian Idol host bloke. Hmm... time to put my evil plan for total Sarah domination into action.

Till the day I eventually grow out of all this nonsense, here's some pics for you to savour:

Omg... *salivates*... the legs... the legs...

The Passing Of An Angel

2006-10-07T11:50:00.000+08:00

Her death came so suddenly it took every one by surprise. Having just been discharged from hospital on Friday after being diagnosed with stomach ulcer with bouts of vomiting blood complete with fainting spells, my aunt was fine- or so I heard.

(How should I know... I was out having a good time instead of paying her a visit.)

Then early Monday morning, my mum woke me up telling me she had already passed on. Lying in bed half conscious on a very early Monday morning, I prayed like hell that I was having one of those really realistic nightmares. But it was not to be.

(It can't be. Not her. Not yet.)

My mind was numb the whole drive to her house. The house where I practically lived in since Standard 5 to Form 5. The house which she kept immaculately tidy and neat with her obsession with cleanliness. The house that I was comfortable going to as my sanctuary. The house where she took good care of me and accepted me for who I was without judgment.

I loved that house. It holds many fond memories. But most of all, I loved the person in that house. My aunt. She, without a doubt, is the life of the house and the reason why the that house will never be the same again now that she's gone.

As I entered the hallway and saw her coffin, only then did the reality of her death start to sink in. Only then did I realize that my aunt, whom we fondly call 'Kor Kor', is gone for good in that cold, wooden box. She deserved so much better. For someone who spent almost her entire life selflessly serving others (she was a nurse), she deserved so much more.

(So much more. It can't be. Not her.)

I didn't dare see her body. My family all went except me. I didn't want to. The corpse in that coffin isn't my aunt. My aunt is alive and smiling and laughing and... I want to remember just the way she was. Not some stone cold corpse. That's not her. It never was and it never will be.

(Where were you, Ian? Where were you?)

Adding to my ever growing list of regrets, I'll regret to the day I myself get ceremoniously stuffed into a box for not telling my aunt how much she meant to me. I know it sounds very cliche' but after all she has done for me, she deserved every bit of credit. Every single bit I can pathetically muster.

I've always admired her quiet inner strength, her humbleness, and her abililty to live life simple; always happy to serve others before herself. She possesses so many amazing strengths that I'd fill this whole blog up just listing them.

If there's one time when she really displayed to me what selflessness is all about- not by empty advice and words, but through actions- is when she willingly orders pizza or whatever fast food I want for lunch, before she quietly go backs to eating her sometimes plain porridge as she's diabetic. These simple actions encapsulates just how she is.

(All for you, Ian. But where were you?)

I'm still reeling over her loss after a week. Somehow, knowing that someone as special as her is gone for good, that I'll never be able to hear her laugh again, just brings this indescribable pain. This pain is multiplied by the fact that I was busy celebrating my birthday with friends that week and didn't even pay her a visit.

(I'll never forgive myself.)

As I walked away from the grave site, I realized how blessed I was to have known her and to have received her love over the years. And for that, I'm eternally grateful. I'd give the world just to hear her laugh once more. Just once...

God bless you, Kor Kor and may you rest in peace.

(I miss her...)

R.I.P Kor Kor Irene

2006-10-02T16:22:00.000+08:00

An angel has returned home.

B@ll bU$tINg v!Ru$3$

2006-09-25T12:05:00.000+08:00

It all started a few days ago. Chinese websites kept popping up for no apparent reason. They'd just keep popping up like kids in condomless homes with horny parents. There are so many of them you'd probably make a fortune wholesaling them.

Sorry, digressed a wee bit there. But yeah, they kept popping up. What made it worse was that it was all in Chinese and I'm sure it's written somewhere in Sanskrit, on some holy parchment in some god forsaken temple in Nepal- that I can't read Chinese to save my life.

So, when along with the popups came malware discreetly installed on my PC in what else but Chinese, I couldn't understand squat. I tried to uninstall it but when the instructions are all in Chinese, well, I'd have more luck milking a rock.

It soon got worse when everytime I tried to shut down, the PC would automatically restart. Then, one day, it will load until my desktop wallpaper and go no further. It'll just hang there for eons. Great.

Now, the next course of action is to reformat my PC, which puts the intense fear of God in me since all my photos, my portfolio, my files, could all be deleted in the process. I'm now praying for the biggest miracle since Liverpool beat Milan to win the Champions League.

Funny how all these things happened just when I'm about to write some kick ass post as promised in the previous post. Maybe, just maybe, it's a divine sign saying "Ian, I've had it with your 'indecent' posts- so just shove it!" or "Ian, it's time to get better anti virus software." Hmm...

Oh well, wish me luck. If all my files do get deleted, please come for my funeral and mourn my death by shotgun Kurt Cobain style.

Repeat after me: "Viruses suck... Viruses suck..."

P.S: This is a real post. Not fake. REAL. True story. Kisah benar. Not made up. Rea- ah, whatever! I give up.

You Gotta Be Kidding

2006-09-19T09:09:00.000+08:00

Oh, for goodness sake, for the love of all things good, for heaven's sake, for my sanity's sake- ATTENTION ALL, read every word carefully now-

THE PREVIOUS POST WAS ENTIRELY FICTIONAL! IT WAS ALL BULL! IT WAS A JOKE! IT NEVER TOOK PLACE! IT WAS *GASP* FAKE!

Yes, my dear readers, the previous post, just in case you still haven't got the point- bless your soul- was entirely fictional. None of it was true. I just made it up just because I can. Period.

I've gotten lots of comments for that one (SMSes even), some good some bad, and I can sense that most were skeptical whether this actually took place. If you didn't believe the previous post, if you doubted it authenticity even for a second, if you knew it was utter bull- well, my friend, give yourself a nice chocolate cupcake. You deserved it. You, are what I call the 'smart' people.

On the other hand, for those who didn't, I sincerely weep for you. With the amount of hinting in the story to suggest for certain this post was pure bull, and for you to still not get it, well, there's only so much a psychologist can do to help you.

Worse still if you took offense with the 'pornographic' picture and didn't find the whole thing amusing- you are in my eyes beyond redemption. Or probably in your eyes, I'm the one beyond redemption. Pffbt, whatever! Whatever makes you happy, luv.

So, as you will now see, the previous post has been heavily doctored with. The original can still be found if you want it, but a word of caution yea- it's fictional, ok? Yes, unfortunately it is.

Also, since I'm always getting lots of flak for the way I write, the things I write, the language I use, certain parties have helpfully suggested I switch my style or close it down. Man, I love my options- SO MUCH TO CHOOSE FROM! I'm blessed.

Anyways, beginning from the next post onwards, you'll be reading a new Ian. In a way, a renaissance of sorts, an awakening.

Stay tuned.

My Beautiful Stalker (Edited)

2006-09-16T22:02:00.000+08:00

ONCE UPON A TIME, THIS IS A FICTIONAL STORY...

A week before we were introduced by a friend, I had a feeling like as if someone was carefully following me and watching my every move. This feeling of constant paranoia is an unsettling feeling to have and as days went by, I felt like my time was running out and my stealthy predator would pounce on me anytime soon. Then, we were introduced.

Her name is Amanda and she seemed nice. We exchanged standard pleasantries and eventually, after a few lunches, phone numbers too. She's kinda cute and it all seemed normal at first. We'd meet frequently over lunch and occasionally bump into each other on campus.

THIS IS PURE FICTION...

During the times we met, I found it a little odd how she'd want to talk more about me than herself which is rather unusual for a female. She seemed to have some sort of weird fascination with me but I just brushed it off as intense curiosity.

As the week progresses, the number of SMSes she'd send me steadily increases also. She started to call too and we'd sometimes chat on the phone. But just like her SMSes, the amount and frequency of phone calls began to swell. At it's peak, I could have easily received 10 calls or SMSes within an hour.

DID I MENTION THIS IS PURE FICTION? I DID? OH.

But I still didn't think much about it even though at times I was a little annoyed. Then, she started to buy me lunch and sometimes the occasional snack. When food is involved, and she's paying, how could I refuse, right? I felt like the luckiest person alive.

Then, she started to buy me gifts like little doll key chains, T-shirts and CD's just to name a few. I, of course, refused to accept them thinking that she went a little overboard with them. But she'd insist and I'd give in; again secretly feeling like the luckiest person alive.

IT'S FIIIIIIIIIIIICCCTIIIIIOOOOOONNNNN!~

As weeks went by, she got more and more obsessive over me. The SMSes, phone calls, gifts, lunches all began to snowball from very frequent to extremely frequent. Honestly, I was just so overwhelmed by everything I slowly found it very amusing that there's this cute girl treating me like a God.

Then one day, she pulled me aside after another lunch on her saying she wanted to show me something important. We walked until we reached a very secluded classroom where after she made sure nobody was around, which is possible since it was still lunch time, she started to unbutton her top.

YOU DON'T BELIEVE IT'S FICTION?! IT IS!

Yes, you read me right: she started to unbutton her top! There we were, just the two of us in a secluded, empty classroom and she starts to unbutton her top! I was on the verge of hyperventilating, thanking my lucky, lucky stars. But then, somehow, I panicked.

I feverishly explained to her that despite what the extremely huge gigantic bulge in my almost ripping pants suggests, I'm planning on losing my virginity within the confines of marriage. Honest. Her top was already halfway down when she told me to relax before she slowly revealed this:

IT STILL IS FICTION...

It was then that I finally realized she's lost it. It all started to click in my head explaining her behavior. Besides, she never wears any socks- only high heels or filp- flops. I immediately headed for the door, refusing to be part of this madness any longer, when she blocked me for which she got a drop kick for her futile efforts and I never saw her again ever since.

IT'S FICTION, DAMMIT!!

Moral of the story is: Drive carefully on the road.

THE END.

Have a nice week, folks!

THERE! HAPPY NOW!?

*Psst* The original can be found here. Don't tell anyone yea...

FTV Mini Doc

2006-09-09T14:30:00.000+08:00

Here it is, my mini documentary. Pardon the blurness because after compression, the video looks quite pixelated. But I think it shouldn't be a huge hindrance. If you pay close attention to one part where two girls are playing pool, you'd notice that the girl in white just made a fluke shot.

And right after that, you'd see for a split second the screen go blank with the words 'Unrendered'. Well, this is a mistake on my part for not making sure the whole video has been rendered. But no biggie, I'll go back on Monday, correct this error and repost this video.

One more thing, depite what the ending credits suggest, I don't mean to boast, but I'm the director, editor and producer. After all my hard work, I bloody want full credit for it.

Hope you guys like it. Constructive criticsms are very much appreciated.

Take care, peeps.

************************************************************************************

Multi-Tasking Lone Ranger

2006-09-08T10:30:00.000+08:00

Finally! I'm finally done editing my assignment, a mini documentary of 3 minutes after 6 days of back breaking, epileptic inducing work. In this group assignment, we're supposed to shoot a mini documentary following a script promoting what else but narcisstic Lim Cock Wank University College.

Although on paper it says group assignment, I can say without a doubt in my mind, that I did almost 90% of the work. From directing, shooting to editing, I'm the one busting my ass for the grades. My group members consists of 3 guys, 2 of which tried to help in any way possible, which equals to minimum, sloppy work. But at least they tried, hor? It's the thought that counts, hor?

Michele my iMac neighbour messing around with me on iMacs Photobooth.
The need to relieve stress here is strong.

The other one is a different matter altogether. He didn't even help out much at all except maybe on shoot day when he was lugging the tripod. Other than that, he was as useful as a cup with no base. He didn't even bother to show up throughout the entire post production process.

The irony is, when the group was formed, he was supposedly the 'leader' and voiced his concerns that if we joined another group, he's afraid they'll be lazy and will not do any work. I am now practically gored to death by the irony.

Being a very generous person that I know I am, I think I'll buy him mirror, let him have a good look at his own reflection, before smashing it into his parasite skull, hoping all the glass will embed in his head and cause him to die a slow and painful death preferably gangrene.

Tasha decided to join us. Aren't we happy people?

For 6 days, I had to toil in the editing lab like a dog, editing, editing and editing. I needed more shots, I needed to book the lab, I needed sound, I needed so many stuff- all of which I had to do myself with no help whatsoever from my group. Hell, why am I still mentioning 'group'? There never was one in the first place.

On a brighter side, you could say I'm gaining in experience and knowledge much faster than these future washouts. I'm also getting very intimate with the new iMacs in the lab which is just sweeeet!~

In the world of manga.

But the best bit is, since I have to work in the editing lab until 9 (the lab closes at 9) I'm like the only guy there with the rest, almost 15, being girls. And some of them are *phissh* smokin'! Currently building a profile with them *cough*.

Now, I have a dillema whether to report the parasite and have the lecturer flunk him, or should I keep mum, let it slide and bail to a new group? I'm definitely getting a new group, but should I press the red button and have him ejected cruelly?

See? I'm still so compassinate... I'm understanding... I'm kind... I'm-

EVIL!

I'll eject the bastard.

R.I.P Steve Irwin

2006-09-05T12:15:00.000+08:00

Crikey! I just got back from Uni after spending the whole day isolated from the world in the editing lab editing my life away with my mini documentary assignment, which explains why I've not been posting lately, and I find out that Steve Irwin the Crocodile Hunter has been killed!

Since I've heard countless rumors before about his death and none of them ever being true, I was a little apprehensive about the news- until I saw it on CNN. I'm still reeling from the shock of his tragic death, the seemingly invincible Crocodile Hunter.

The sad irony is that he wasn't killed by some reptile with powerful jaws, he was killed by a fish- with a tail strong and sharp enough to pierce him in the chest- POW! A sting ray to be exact. How tragic.

I've always enjoyed the 'Crocodile Hunter' documentaries. They're always interesting and fun especially since Steve was always such an enthusiastic and lively personality. With him going "Woooo!!" and "Crikey", he was someone I really respected. Living his life to the fullest and doing what he loved best. How can you not admire someone like that?

Well, at least he died doing something he loved. In fact, I bet his last words were probably "Crocs rule!" I hope his legacy and message of conservation will not be in vain.

R.I.P Stevie.

Rumble In The Jungle

2006-08-26T15:10:00.000+08:00

For 3 days and 2 nights, I traded a soft comfortable bed for a tent in the jungle, waded in the stinking mud and fed the undernourished mosquitoes and leeches all for fun. Yes, you read that right- for fun.

Our little teepees

Come to think of it, I'd probably be wading in a pool of despair and sorrow and contemplating possible suicide if I had stuck with my initial decision not to go. I had classes to skip and assignments to be completed but by gosh, my name wouldn't be Ian if I didn't skip some measly classes to do something fun.

We stayed at Kem Isi Rimba, a campsite in the middle of KL nearby Zoo Negara. My initial expectation of a 'jungle' when I heard we would be camping in the middle of KL was some small cluster of trees with a piss-sized stream. Imagine my surprise when we entered a real hutan khatulistiwa in it's own right right bam in front of me.

The abseiling tower

For 3 days, we did quite a few interesting activities. We:
- abseiled from a tower 3 storys high.
- went on the flying fox.
- jungle trekked in the middle of the night alone with only candle light to guide us.
- were taught jungle surviving skills.
- had obstacle courses.
- marinated ourselves in stinking mud.

And when you do all of the above with some of the nicest bunch of people you'd ever meet on the face of the planet, there's really not much you can ask for.

Yours truly in action during abseiling. The helmet looked like some
oversized white pimple on my head thus making me look like some retard.

During this camp, I learnt quite a number of things about myself. For one, I know for a fact, I wouldn't be able to survive in the jungle on my own especially without a lighter. Even with a lighter, my survival rate is probably nil. I'm telling you, it's one thing to start a fire, it's another altogether trying to maintain it.

I can't imagine if we had to start fires using rocks. I'd probably do much better smashing my head in with them. Starting a fire was back breaking work especially when the mosquitoes and leeches were having the buffet of their lives, but it was nevertheless a great experience.

Artificial firefly

The highlight of the camp for me besides the abseiling and flying fox- which cheated me of a bigger adrenaline rush, was the night jungle trek. Using only strategically placed lighted candles to guide us, we had to brave the dark jungle alone. God help us all should some wind blow out the candles.

That's me showing you how dark the jungle is at night

If it were up to me, I'd honestly wanted to trek the jungle longer (the trek probably lasted about 30 minutes). It felt so liberating to be alone in the jungle, in the dark with nothing but yourself, instinct and candle light to guide you. Alone with only my thoughts to accompany me, the jungle is probably one of the best places besides the beach to do some reflective thinking.

Posers caught!

When there's highs, there's lows. And the lowest point of the camp was when I was denied a chance to play jungle paintball all because I. Was. Broke. I was literally forced to bum out at the nearby hall by circumstance, listening to music and playing 'Werewolf' when I could be out there collecting scalps. That. Sucked. Real. @#$%. Bad.

Luckily this nightmare episode was an exception of the camp. As usual, when you're having so much fun, time flies. I wonder why can't be the other way around? Time slows when your having fun, and zooms past when it's sucky should be the way, right? Bah!

A combo shot of me gladly taking the muddy plunge

As I predicted, 3 days wasn't enough. But still 3 is better than nothing and I'm glad I've decided to join this little get- together camp. Life is too short and fleeting to be wasting it away in class when you have opportunities like these to enjoy the fellowship of your friends. I just go to class so that one day, I'll be able to pay for all my camps and paintball skirmishes.

Having said that, the core ingredient of any great camp is the people participating. Without them, camping by yourself can be quite a bummer as well. So, for that, I thank you all for making this camp absolutely rock. Cheers!~

Nice people marinating their asses in mud

Wo Sher' Cina- ren

2006-08-19T13:15:00.000+08:00

Ever since I started classes at LUCT, I've already had 4 people who've mistaken me for an Indonesian. When I tell them I'm local after introducing myself, they have this surprised look on their faces and say something like, "Oh, you're not Indonesian?"

Some even start conversations with me in Bahasa Indonesia, and although I can understand certain parts because it's roughly the same as Malay, at the speed they speak coupled with their Indonesian accent, I'll probably have better luck with some traditional language from Timbuktu.

Given that the Indonesian population in LUCT can rival the locals and that there are a healthy number of internationals, people are inclined to ask which country you come from during introductions. And somehow, they always never think I'm local.

Sometimes, I get mischievous and say I'm actually Korean or Japanese, mixed or otherwise, and they actually buy it. During my KTAR days, people have also thought I'm mixed, maybe because of my surname Kirk. But the question is, don't I look Chinese?

Let's examine my face (wow, that sounds so vain):

Look, I have all the features of a typical Chinese man. Note:
1) The huge forehead
- Safekeeps a powerful brain which is excellent for memorising just about anything. From whole textbooks to strings of numbers to calculating the cost after discounts.

2) The infamous mata sepet
- Very useful for peeping through keyholes hence the size, and looking out for bargains. Chinese are legendary for that.

3) The big nostrils
- Perfected after years of evolution, this nose is capable of smelling good food a mile away. There is a saying, 'Chinese eat everything with their back facing the sun', so if it's good, hell, we'll eat it. Also used to sniff out potential money making opportunities to great effect.

4) The wide smile
- The smile is widely used in many situations such as during business deals, after spotting free food, when recieving ang pows, generally when making lots of money.

See? Don't I look Chinese?

FHM 100

2006-08-12T13:35:00.000+08:00

You could sniff all the raging hormones a hundred miles away where guys and girls performed their pilgrimage to Sunway Lagoon, the anointed Mecca for the night, to attend FHM's 100 Sexiest Women beach party.

In any party, the giddy combination of FHM babes, women, bikinis and a beach theme is a sure magnet for hot blooded males around the globe. So, although there were more guys than babes, quality is always better than quantity and we weren't disappointed.

Miss Reef finalists. My vote was for the first, second and third from left

The FHM party blasted off with performances by some rapper I don't care about and a rap group I still don't give a damn about. For me, they serve no purpose whatsoever- just pretty fringes we could probably do without.

The mob was whipped into a raving frenzy when the O' Reef models started to strut their stuff after all the previous nonsense. There were male and female models modeling O' Reef products but no prizes for guessing which got the loudest cheers.

Mama mia!~

The male model's super sized egos crashed and burned when they were not well received by the crowd. Some even took off their shirts to display their high maintenance bodies in a desperate attempt at getting the same attention as their female counterparts. Such confused fools. It's not their tops we want off, right?

Seductive silhouettes

Much later, the recipients of FHM's 100 Sexiest Women made their appearance on stage much to the delight of the, by now, rabid crowd. God blessed them with beautiful looks and they were milking it for all it's worth. They had the crowd eating out of the palm of their hand.

Kisses from the Choy twins

The most popular girl for the night, the one with the loudest of cheers were reserved for crowd favorite, the bootylicious Hannah Tan. Long after the other's completed their routine catwalk, Hannah was busy obliging her fans, shaking hands and posing for pics for quite some time. I'm sure the other girls in the background were practically steaming with envy.

All Hail Hannah!

Hannah lost in a sea of hands

The winner for Miss Reef Malaysia was to be judged based on who got the loudest cheers. This time, it's not who looks the best, but who can excite the crowd to cheer like the beasts they actually are. So, obviously, shake some booty and you'll have guys transforming to hooting monkeys in an instant.

This one girl, although not the prettiest, followed the script and was crowned Miss Reef Malaysia by Hannah Tan. Problem was, she couldn't stop shaking that cellulite filled ass that after awhile, it looked pretty ghastly; like a lump of badly pressed dough. Ergh.

Say "Booty!"

Things seemed to go downhill from then on as we made our exit knowing the best part of the night has already ended. Kudos to FHM for organizing this event. This is a significant contribution by them towards world peace- keeping the men happy. See? It's for a good cause. Cheers!

Wet dreams from this event will probably last me a month :D

Inspired Slave

2006-08-04T15:15:00.000+08:00

When inspiration strikes, I am but a mere servant doing it's every bidding. I think it was Moses who once said while out gardening, 'Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety- nine percent perspiration'.

Step #1: Sketching

- After months of not drawing, I surprised myself when I drew out exactly what I had in mind. Time: 1/2 hour

Step #2: Burn, baby!

- I found this part to be the most entertaining probably due to my suppressed pyromaniac nature. I would probably have felt 'his' pain if I weren't too busy enjoying myself seeing part of 'him' go up in flames. Time: 5 seconds

Step #3: Coloring

- Now, this is the 99% perspiration part. Wait, make it 100%. If I didn't think it'll look better in color I wouldn't have bothered because my painting skills, using the mouse or otherwise, absolutely sucks. Time: 3 1/2 hours

Step #4: Complete Work

- Once it's done, suddenly it didn't feel like hard work at all although the perfectionist in me feels it could've been much better had I learnt to paint properly. Now to get this printed and framed up- it'll look nice on my front door. Total time: 4 hours and 5 seconds.

Steal my work and I'll break your legs. You have been warned.

Have a nice day!

People Power!

2006-08-01T12:31:00.000+08:00

These past few days, I have been hearing plenty of news about people getting robbed on the street and even getting killed. So far, Randall and Sam has been "relieved" of their handphones and some KTAR student was killed probably for the same reason.

It's funny how we all work one way or another to save up for a really cool phone only for it to be stolen in an instant, costing us not only our time and money, but unfortunately, sometimes, our lives as well.

I have a solution. It may sound crazy at first but if phone manufacturers were to buy my idea, I'm sure handphone robberies will plummet drastically. Maybe even become rare. Heck, I think it'll work with anything you don't want robbed ie. your car.

But as a start, a handphone will do. The idea is simple:

Insert a self destruct mechanism within the phone with the trigger injected in your brain.

Simple, right? If someone robs you of your phone, you can send brain signals directly to your phone, which by the way, acts as your SIM card too- saves you the hassle of getting a new one- and the phone will instantly explode killing the robber and giving you much satisfaction and pure joy of seeing your perpetrator disintegrate.

Here's a visual example:

Genius, no? Personally, if I do get robbed one day by some people brandishing a parang, I'd sooner try to kill him than hand anything over. Of course, I'll try not to be stupid especially if they're in a group. Of course.

But the moment I get him, his ass is mine. People should stop being scared of them and start fighting back. The moment robbers know that they could get killed even trying to snatch an old lady's purse, it's a sure bet crimes like these will lessen.

I don't proclaim to be an expert on crime prevention but if I'm a robber, and I hear of other fellow robbers getting plugged in the head with metal after attempting to rob every time, as stupid as I may be, I'll probably think thrice!

If this happens all the time, I wonder which robber will be stupid enough to continue?:

Agree?

Fancy A Quickie?

2006-07-28T13:18:00.000+08:00

Orientations so far are so boring it's depressing. They break us up to groups named after superheroes and send us all out to collect signatures all over campus. Then comes treasure hunts and scavenger hunts which, in my humblest opinion, are one and the same.

Dimwits. I dare say KTAR orientations are by far much better.

At the moment, orientations are painfully dragging by and I'm so looking forward to next week when I start my classes. I'm currently bunking over at Ebee's place and occupying my time with 'Prozac Nation' an interesting read and guitar lessons by Jeen.

So, instead of deteriorating at orientations, I'm halfway through the book and I can say proudly now that I can play Pearl Jam's 'Last Kiss'. Orientating myself my way- huzzah!

I have to go for some freshie night dinner later tonight and I don't even have a proper shirt with me. Will probably look very out of place but what the hell, I'm there for the food, see what else is new, and head home to prepare for my convocation tommorow.

I'm starting to miss Setapak and my KTAR mates.

Dammit.

Orientation Disorientation

2006-07-24T21:23:00.000+08:00

Waking up at 6 in the morning to drive all the way to Lim Kok Wing, Cyberjaya just for orientations isn't my idea of kick starting the day at all- it's utterly ridiculous! It's bad enough it takes a great effort to keep my eyelids open and make sure it stays open, it's worse when the traffic jams up to a sleepy stroll. Not very helpful at all.

This car is getting to look too familiar...

I don't think I'm strong enough to be driving up and down for orientations which lasts 10 days. Today's the first day and see, I'm already complaining. I can't help it if I'm fated to be chauffeured long distances. Tolls eat away like a cancer at my wallet while traffic jams only serve to further imprint my ass on the seat.

Well, what can I say about my first orientation day at LKW? Today was mainly for registration and payment of fees. Not much you can expect from the first day where (almost) everybody knows nobody. Awkward silences and nervous smiles punctuate almost every conversation.

Collect 4 of these and I can get myself a pretty decent car. Bloodsuckers!

But not so in this case with this guy I just met during registration. He was seated beside me and he reminded me of Ashton Kutcher in 'Dude, Where's My Car'. If you haven't seen the movie, it's kinda hard to imagine but his actions and the way he spoke was almost a carbon copy of Ashton.

Anyways, we were both talking and I found him rather amusing with his Ashton thing going on. But after awhile, I found him as entertaining as a pimple. There is a limit to how much I can talk on the first day without feeling like I'm dumbing myself down to stoner drawl.

Look Dad, you paid a fortune and all I got was this lousy T-shirt!

The rest of the day passed by uneventfully except that I skipped Mr. Kok's speech and bummed at Ebee's place in Cyberia which is really nice. Crashed as soon as I got home and I don't expect the next few days to be any different.

Oh well, oh well.

Hell Hath No Fury

2006-07-18T17:30:00.000+08:00

KNNCCBPKMDNS-

*deep breath*

HKCMCBMCH@#$%!!

What has the world come to when one's bag is stolen when playing futsal? Can't we enjoy playing futsal without having to worry about getting our belongings swiped? It's bad enough a guy like me has to defend myself against murderers, rapists and idiots; now this!? My patience is wearing thin.

Yesterday after finishing a futsal game where I was at my best form- not panting like an asthmatic dog which is happening pretty frequently nowadays- I emerge from the courts victorious, only to find my bag missing.

My bag, and it's entire contents, was stolen whilst I was playing futsal. Under my friggin' nose! At half time it was still there. Another half ends and the bag is gone. When I saw my bag gone, I was this close |--| to losing it. Somehow, unexplainably, I managed to show great self restraint when every cell in my body was baying for me to thrash up the place. But it was not easy.

When I reported the the theft to the counter-girl with my two cents worth about their security, she non-chalantly replied that it's not her responsibility- which is true if you think about it- but the way she said it, nabeh, I wanted to drop kick her and plummel her head into the bin.

Like I said, somehow I didn't lose it. But killer thunderstorms were lurking above my head, ready to strike down the next fool that crosses my path.

What I lost:
1) ~~Bag~~
2) Handphone
3) Wallet with RM 45
4) MyKad and driver's license
5) ~~House and car keys~~
6) ~~A shirt~~
7) Billabong bikini babe card

I later found out it was stolen by some Malay primary school kids who were loitering around while we were playing. Must be some uneducated kampung pip from the neighborhood. I don't care if he's a minor, I would've slaughtered him if I got a hold of him. Kids these days. Bigger balls but smaller brains.

Later, after going through all the hassle of reporting to the police, applying for new MyKad and driver's license etc, I found my bag lying in my house compound with my keys but predictably, sans my handphone and wallet. Surprisingly, my MyKad and driver's license is missing.

Dammit. If I ever get my hands on the thief/ves...

Ahhhhh~~ I feel much better.

Take care, peeps.

I Hate Goodbyes

2006-07-14T00:12:00.000+08:00

Goodbyes has never been my forte. It never was and it never will be. To me, goodbyes are harsh reminders of the reality that time is continuous and that someday, we will need to part ways with those close to us. They're like little post-it notes that are stamped to your forehead, irritatingly in sight even though you try hard to ignore it.

To make sure we're on the same frequency regarding goodbyes, the goodbyes I meant are not the goodbyes you exchange with your classmate today, only to see them again tomorrow. The goodbyes that I hate, are the ones where you may not see the person again in the near future. Rarely, or maybe never again.

PRide Network family at lunch. PRide Network clowns at play.

And these people that the goodbyes are directed to are not just your average "Hi-Bye" friend, they're those that are close to you, people whom you've shared many happy experiences and memories with. The people that mean a lot to you personally. Those kind of people. I think you get the idea.

Anyways, some people view goodbyes more positively, thinking of a better future that lie ahead. I on the other hand, am apprehensive and dislike that little sinking feeling that comes with it. I realize it's not the end of the world, but even with that knowledge, it doesn't make me feel any better.

(from left: Jay "Mamasita" Q, Eds, Boss, Me)

Just this week alone, I had to say goodbye not once, not twice, but three times! To Wai Loon and Horng Tat, my PRide family and to my best friend Hao Shen. Next month, Edgar is leaving too. Not only that, my graduation and graduation party is coming up. And you know what's on the list? GOODBYES!!

Life has a cruel, cruel sense of humor. You won't be laughing but it doesn't give a damn.
************************************************************************************

The feeling of dread started as I was on my way to KLIA. By the time I stepped into the airport, it already had a firm grip on me. I've already predicted that this uneasy feeling will come sooner or later. Sending off my childhood friend, my best friend- my brother- was never going to be easy for me.

My previously growling stomach lost all appetite for a Whopper, let alone my favorite Double Whopper found only at KLIA. Time seemed to drag on by prolonging my uneasiness.

When it was finally time to say our goodbyes, I did not know what to do, how to react, what to feel. Sure, I felt sad. But it was also a giddy mixture of many other emotions that I've come to dislike. I was literally in a emotional roller-coaster only it didn't come gradually, it hit me full faced all at the same time. It was mind numbing.

Suddenly my hands were alien to me. The sounds around me seemed to instantly increase and decrease alternately. One moment everything is so loud and numbing, the next instant, I can see lips moving like grotesque caterpillars but I hear nothing.

Once the proceedings climaxed, everything passed by very quickly, as if rushing me on to my next torture session. The drive home was the loneliest even though I had company. So near yet so far. There was nothing I could say. My mind was still reeling from the reality chomp, lost in my own thoughts of the past, present and the future.

I never want to experience this again. But I know, someday, it'll eventually return and I'll be forced to go through the motions again, caught in this cruel never ending cycle of friggin' goodbyes.

Goodbye, brother. Till we meet again.

Forza Italia!

2006-07-11T00:09:00.000+08:00

You wanna know something? Let me tell you anyway. "Victory is even sweeter when you're the minority." Yes, you can jot that down, quote me and, oh, make sure you get a good photo of me. This will be a gem of a quote ever since Confucius walked the Earth.

For 120 minutes, I was the only supporter of Italy in Ed's place. The rest were Frenchmen all the way. When Zidane scored from the spot after a VERY BLATANT DIVE by Malouda so early in the match, I'll admit to you, it sure felt lonely.

I'm not a big fan of Italy neither am I a big fan of France. I actually support Brazil. But since they're not playing in the Finals which is just a crying shame, I decided to support Italy because I thought they had a better chance of winning it.

But before our backsides could even warm the couch, France was already one up and Edgar was in a very jubilant mood, rubbing it in my face by making sure I heard his every cheer. Against him, his dad, Drew and Peter, I had no reply but silence.

But being the more discerning football fan *cough*, I knew that Italy would strike back. It was just a matter of time before it would be my turn to do the victory jig. And true enough, a few minutes later, you can bet your life that I made every French fan there feel it.

Throughout the game, I felt the Italians were a much better side. The writing was on the wall when Viera and Henry was substituted and surprise, surprise, my idol Zidane got red carded for a head-butt. Without Viera, there will be problems in midfield because he's just a fantastic midfielder. Without Henry, well, Henry- who?

BUT, without Zidane, it's like playing without God on your side. Every touch he makes is divine and inspirational. There was no way France is going to win without him. Initially, I thought he was a proper ass for head-butting Materazzi. But after I've watched it again, my respect for Zidane has increased 10 times over!

You could tell Materazzi was asking for it. And since it was Zidane's last game, there was no way he'll be punished in any way by FIFA. He's done with football. What they gonna do? Ban him from future matches like Rooney? Fine him 10, 000 euros? Bah! He'll probably throw the fine in their faces in coins!

So, he has a go. Gives it to Materazzi good and proper right in the chest. Materazzi tumbles like a pussy and for a moment there I thought he was about to give the ref some good ol' bald head goodness too. Yes, Zidane's a genius. He, and only he, is capable of such barbaric artistry. A pity he's retiring. Football needs more geniuses like him to head-butt idiots back where they belong.

Italy then went on to win the World Cup and I got to bask in the sweet glory of being the underdog.

Bring on South Africa 2010!

World Cup Finale

2006-07-09T22:15:00.000+08:00

Azzuri
V.S

Les Bleus

Leaning Tower of Pisa
V.S

Eiffel Tower

Spagetthi
V.S

Croissant

"Vaffanculo"
V.S
"Baise-toi"

Rambut
V.S

Botak

Brother's Keepers

2006-07-04T23:43:00.000+08:00

Not too many words. A picture says it all. Well, almost.

Dinner at Magical Theatre Restaurant: RM XX
Feeling when there was no promised magic show: Shitty
Petrol: RM XX
Parking Ticket: RM X
Great friends: PRICELESS

:-)

The Highest Low

2006-07-02T22:00:00.000+08:00

Once upon a time, this blog used to be able to get at least 28-30 hits per day with an average visit length of 5 minutes. That may not be much. In fact, when compared to more successful blogs ie. Kenny Sia, my hits are actually quite pitiful.

But I was happy with it because at least I know 'somebody' is reading my thrash. But today, when I checked my site meter, could hardly believe my eyes.

Wait, wait, wait. This can't be right. It can't be!

NOOOOOOOOOOO!!~ My hits are now so low- it's practically inhumane! It's criminal! It's blasphemous! Only 9!? C'mon, this statistic has got to be kidding me. Where have all my readers gone?

So now, faced with this pathetic statistic, I'm beginning to ponder whether the problem lies in my inability to string a few proper sentences to pass off as what you would call a post, OR, it's because I lack the necessary publicity.

I pride myself in getting hits whilst under the radar, so to speak. I used to try BlogExplosion but it felt like I was whoring my time away just for a few hits. I got bored of visiting random people's blogs when they should be visiting mine!

Yes, maybe the reality is, it doesn't matter what I think. In order to rake in hits that I can boast to your face about, I'll probably need to have boobs, ass, face and camwhore like crazy just like the bimbo blogs out there which, in my very humble opinion, has no substance. It's so frivolous and full of pictures of themselves, I'm retching like a dog by the second post.

But of course, there are exceptions. Well, I think I've digressed far enough.

You know what? I think I should write a naughty, raunchy sex post. I'm quite sure this will get me hits. After all, I can bet my life that sex is the number one search topic on Google. A raunchy enough post with carefully selected keywords and I'll have more than enough hits to last me a lifetime.

On second thought, the idea of pervert men stumbling on my blog and wanking off to my pictures doesn't sound appealing at all. Maybe if it's the girls who are...- but that's a different story altogether. Hehe.

In the end, after much thought, I'm probably doing this more for myself and my friends. I'd hate to see my blog turn into a candidate for silly popularity contests. They don't mean a thing. But like I said, it would be nice if I had atronomical hits. As-tro-no-mi-cal, buddy. I'm looking at a few million hits here!

Ah, what the heck. I'm happy.

:-)

Random #10

2006-06-29T23:07:00.000+08:00

Yes, yes. I've been neglecting my blog and should be rightly flogged for it.

Moving on...
************************************************************************************
I've finally decided to continue my studies in Lim Kok Wing University after much thought for many weeks. It has not been an easy decision. There were many, many things which I had to consider before making this decision. Even now, I'm not too sure I made the right decision.

Let's see now:

Curtin University, Miri

Pros:
- Is offering the course that want.
- Is the University that I'll be going to in Perth to complete my Degree after one year.
- It's in Miri. The thought of spending a year in Miri before going to Perth (should I make it) is very, very tempting.
- Miri has beaches nearby with *gasps* corals! Joy!

Cons:
- I heard Miri is kinda ulu. I'm also afraid of being bitten my mosquitoes the size of cats- all hear say.

Lim Kok Wing University, Cyberjaya

Pros:
- It's supposedly a creative place. Could be unfounded bull.
- They have the facilities and connections in the industry.
- Good lecturers
- The chicks. 'Nuff said.

Cons:
- I may be travelling daily from Klang to Cyberjaya. But I hope to rent a place there. Home is suffocating.
- Spoiled rich brats with dumb accents.
- Spoiled idiotic rich brats.
- VERY expensive. And for the same degree issued by Curtin, I feel I'm better off at Miri.

I can tell you're thinking with so many cons, why did I still choose Lim Kok Wing. Honestly, I'm not too sure myself. All I know is I have to make a decision and a quick one at that. Although Curtin actually trumps Lim Kok Wing in many ways, the fact is, I don't know much about the place and counsellors have advised me to go for LKW. So there!

Simple and straight forward. If my first year sucks, at least I can take comfort that I'll only be there for a year. Then, money willing, I'll be off to Perth *crosses fingers*.

Wish me luck.

Indicine

2006-06-19T22:35:00.000+08:00

Judging from the pathetic attendance from yesterday's KLPAC Troubadours performance, indie music in Malaysia has a long way to go before they'll ever be accepted like their overseas counterparts. Just tune into any Malaysian radio channel and you'll understand why.

Just when I thought Fly "It's all about the music" FM will save the airwaves, they themselves get dragged into the music popularity contest airing music only the majority wants to hear which sadly, is just thrash. You have The Pussycat Dolls with their shit, bloody Click Five, Ashlee "L-O-V-E" Dipshit, some emo hippity-hop nigga and many more which just pains me to list down.

It's just sad to see so many talented Malaysian musicians just languishing away in the background without essential support from the public and the industry. The ringgit will definitely have the final say in the end but when it comes to good music, can money really be put into the picture?

How can one compare music that is created from the soul with some booming track thrown together for some bimbo airhead to sing along to? Sure, one will probably earn millions and it's not hard to guess which; but when good music is taken into consideration, only one truly stands out- priceless, heads above the rest.

I can imagine how a musician would feel when thrash is being played and adored by the crowd when he's own work could probably whoop serious ass. On second thought, probably the reason why indie musicians sometimes prefer to stay underground would be because they prefer playing their music to a small niche group rather than a big mindless mob. More rewarding, I guess?

Thank God for KLPAC for organizing performances like these that give much needed exposure to indie musicians. They need the exposure as much as Malaysia or probably just me, needs a shot of fresh good music. I've given up on Malaysian radio and there's no signs that shows it's going to change anytime soon.

So, unfortunately at the moment, I'll just have to get my daily music fix from my mp3 player and events such as these. Tis a sad, sad life.

The following are the bands from yesterday's Trobadours performance:

1)

One Side of the Story
Rating: 7/10
Since I came late, I only heard two songs which is enough for me to know that I dig their music. The guy on the left has some wicked guitar talent and the guy on the left has a really good solid voice.

Wharf (I think)
Rating: 7/10
If jazzy music is your cup of tea, this band is perfect for you. They'll have you dancing and at the same time feeling relaxed especially with the lead singer's sexy smoky voice. Sweet!~

Wei Jun
Rating: 0/10
Every one before him was a band playing some instrument like guitar etc and out pops little miss gay man. My jaw hit the floor when he started singing what would be a mix of Andrea Bocelli and Cher- a fatal combination. With his extremely gay dance moves/thrusts and song titles like 'Like A Fish', he was a serious potong stim.

SilentScenery
Rating: 8/10
Since I'm already quite familiar with Kit's work, you can say I'm rather biased when it comes to his music. I dunno about you, but I absolutely love it! If he was better prepared performance and equipment wise, his debut performance would probably be even better. Look out for this band!

My lovely Kit.

SilentScenery- Love Inside Your Head (for more videos, search for Silent Scenery on youtube)

Sofa Sessions
Rating: 8/10
As the last band for the day, they really gave every one a good time. You could tell they themselves were enjoying it eventhough they were playing to a small crowd. I was already hooked when they played 'Jiwa Untuk Di perah/Soul To Squeeze' a cover from the Red Hot Chilli Peppers. A solid band.

Here's to the indie music scene- cheers!!~

Random #9

2006-06-15T21:23:00.000+08:00

Ohmigoodnessgraciousme- it's been almost a week since I last posted anything here. The recent lack of updates can be very easily explained provided you know what's the World Cup about. If you do, then bingo! There you have it- my reason for missing in blogging action.

Pretty simple. Aside from the minor little detail that I've also started working at PRide Networks, a small PR company in Shah Alam as a trainee/intern that pays peanuts. My pay comes in a Ngan Yin packet but of course, I'm only doing this to kill time and it's really for the experience even though PR is not my field.

With Edgar, Jonathan (a cool rocker dude) as my colleagues and a buddy-buddy- jokes-a-lot-bald-dude as my boss, work has been pretty fun so far. Our day starts with calling clients and ends with a few rounds of Fifa World Cup 2006, the PC game.

Sweet!~
************************************************************************************
I'm very tempted to blog about a major prank we (and by we I mean Beef, Seng Ming and I) pulled on Edgar last week. It was so ridiculously funny that when I say I laughed my guts out, that's probably an understatement.

I might blog about it. I might not blog about it. The effect of the prank would probably be lessen if I were to put it down in words. Only video would do it justice, which unfortunately, I do not have.

Anyways, for now, I'm just too damn lazy.

Blame Edgar. Ha!
************************************************************************************
My 2 cents on the World Cup (so far):

England can dream on about winning the World Cup if they continue to play like they did against Paraguay. For the first time in my life, I actually slept half way through and that says a lot about the game.

England to win the World Cup?

Dream on!

Random #8

2006-06-08T20:59:00.000+08:00

Currently, there are so many things I want to blog about. I don't know where to start or what to say. My mind has liquefied into a blob of mush or to be more graphic, a bowl of spoon pounded jello. The explanations for this happening escapes me.

But anyways, as you all should know by now, the World Cup is tomorrow. This is the time, where girlfriends would probably be languishing bitterly in the background (unless she's a footie fan, which is a rare catch) and guys in jerseys will crowd around and totally submit their body, mind and soul to their new mistress, the TV.

You want to see global unity? You want to see a united world? Now's the time. Screw United Nations. The World Cup is the united in United. Everywhere in the world, men are now bonded by a silent code, acknowledging each other as their brother and speaking only one language: football.

We will all rejoice when our team wins/scores, cry when we lose, and occasionally get into petty fights after losing a bet. But we'll probably make up after getting wasted, so no worries there.

My prediction: Brazil, my supported team, will probably win the cup again. But I'll be looking out for Argentina, England, Italy and Netherlands. I have a feeling one of them will defintely meet Brazil in the finals and will live to remember Ronaldinho french kissing the cup.

Oh such sweet, sweet memories.

Nightmare 101

2006-06-04T15:18:00.000+08:00

According to Murphy's Law, "Anything that can go wrong will go wrong." I, blessed with amazing luck, was given the privilege to sample this first hand. There's nothing like experiencing plans going terribly awry to remind you what a living nightmare really feels like.

If things start derailing early on, at least you still have ample time to iron out the problems. But when everything starts falling apart all at once, you really feel like flinging yourself off the highest floor of a skyscraper.

Everything about you starts to shoot up while everything else crashes down like a stock market during a financial crisis. Your blood pressure, your temper, your adrenaline, your volume- everything is up except this kind of high is no fun.

This is my story: I was organizing a futsal tournament and everything was going according to plan. The invites were sent out, teams were confirming participation, everything was smooth sailing. But just like an inexperienced seaman, I never saw the storms brewing.

Then it hit. One day before the tournament, one team pulled out. Now, one team pulling out at the last minute may not have had such a huge impact if not for the fact that some other teams could not make it either. And what made it worse was that I only knew they were pulling out when I called them to inform the time the tournament starts.

If I had never called, I would be left thinking they will be coming when they won't. This event seemed to have a snowball effect that started out an unfortunate chain of events.

First, when I went to collect the medals, I found out that they've misunderstood my order and prepared gold, silver and bronze medals when all I wanted was gold. Then, teams started to arrive late at the check point where I was supposed to lead them to the futsal court (they were from PJ).

Nevermind. But then, when I was leading them, I made a total fool of myself by getting lost! Here I am, the organizer leading a team to the courts, getting lost myself! Talk about the blind leading the blind! So much for good first impressions.

To top it all up, we were thrashed 7-1 and 9-0 respectively by the visitors. Embarrassed beyond salvation with ego stomped to smithereens. It was a sure bet I left the courts with my tail (if I had one. It sure felt like it) between my legs.

Everything I've just mentioned above all happened within a space of a few hours that I felt totally overwhelmed. It's like being swept away by strong currents where you are helpless to fight it and can only hope for the best. It's horrible to know that your fate lies at the mercy of the elements.

Organizing the tournament, making sure it runs smoothly and all that was really stressful. I cannot imagine if it were a huge coporate event with big shot CEO's attending. I take my hat off to Beefy who does this as a job. I've never felt so stressed up in my life! Not even with exams!

Having said that, with this good/bad experience, I'll probably be more prepared to organize another event such as this although I can confidently say I won't be doing one anytime too soon.

Mati kong ket aku.

X-Men: The Last Stand

2006-06-01T23:39:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I wonder why I even bother going to cinemas. No big screen and surround sound is worth the irritation and frustration an Ah Beng heaps on you when he decides to answer his handphone during a movie, proudly showing off how well his stupid polyphonic ring tone sounds in the cinema to his girlfriend who has been blessed with teeth aligned like a hippo.

As if that isn't enough misery, some kids took liberties in explaining almost everything out- loudly. Why, the only saving grace is that I come out smelling like popcorn. And we all love the smell of popcorn, don't we? Eau De Popcorn, hmmm!~

Moving on, X-Men: The Last Stand wasn't as bad as I thought it will be judging from the pictures released before the movie showing mutants in costumes I found rather tacky. Now, while I may not be a fashion guru, I know ugly when I see it. But you see, I'm only human. I too tend to judge things by appearance.

So, surprise, surprise, when I actually enjoyed it and for some good reasons too. Here's my list of why this movie was enjoyable, and why it still sucked:

(SPOILER ALERT!)

Why I liked it:

1) They killed off Cyclops early on in the movie. Excellent decision I must say. I wanted him dead from the very beginning since the first movie. He's as exciting as the word boring. Good riddance!

Check out the drag queen third from left.
Must be a Brylcreem spokesperson.

2) Jean is finally the all powerful mutant she actually is now with pussy Cyclops out of the way. Watching her unleash her powers at her home was scary yet inspired. Mind blowing- literally!

3) Killing off Prof. X is pure genius. I was beginning to grow tired of his Yoda mumbo-jumbo crap, so watching him blown to pieces was orgasmic. But it seems he doesn't really die since there's a scene at the end of the credits that shows he's still somehow mentally alive. Dammit!

4) Ellen Page who acted as Kitty Pryde. 'Nuff said.

Why it sucked:

1) Cyclops actually had lines! He should have died in the first movie and here he is having lines! Sacrilege I tell you, sacrilege!

2) The mutants have no sense of color. It's always some dark colored clothes like they're color blind because of mutation or something. So thank God for Jean who wears red during some scenes. At last- color!

3) Halle Berry is still there. When are they gonna kill her off? Sucky acting, sucky hair. Same goes for Wolverine who's always in bad hair day mode.

4) Predictable. Predictably explains itself.

So, with that I'll give this movie a rating of 6/10 meaning you can miss it and the world will still continue to spin and life, goes on. I'll probably give it a 6 1/2 if not for that Ah Beng and that stupid kid. Imbeciles!

I'm starting to wish I had Jean's powers.

Toodles!~

Football? Pfbht!~

2006-05-29T13:13:00.000+08:00

Yesterday's football match between My Team v.s. Malaysia was anything but a football match. Oh yes, they had all the ingredients of a football match. Ball, stadium, fans, teams- but they played such horrible football, it was more of a farce than anything else.

Come to think of it, they had more drama then the soaps, more comedy than anything Ben Stiller but nothing Malaysian football can be proud of. Instead of professional footballers, we have a team of clowns and drama queens. I was more entertained by the antics on pitch than the football.

Kudos to My Team. Overall, I think they played much better football than the "pros" despite their obvious lack of experience. You can tell the whole of Malaysia was behind My Team and not the Malaysian team. The only people cheering Malaysia on, if I'm not mistaken from what I saw on TV, I think were Indonesians. Wild guess.

Deep down, we were all hoping the underdogs would beat the Malaysian team to serve as a wake up call (or a reminder. There has been too many wake up calls that nobody heeds) to whoever still harbors hope that the Malaysian team is good enough to challenge on an international arena.

Tape any Malaysian match and watch it after, let's say, a Brazil match and behold the stark contrast, the great gulf between the quality. It doesn't even have to be Brazil. Japan will bomb us out of sight.

I can confidently say I'll never see Malaysia qualify for a World Cup during my lifetime. There's no way unless something changes drastically. But judging from yesterday's match, I think the players might be better suited in the movie industry.

I await the day when I can support the national team not because I have to, but because I want to with pride.

Baby Steps

2006-05-26T12:17:00.000+08:00

Back from Taiping after a relaxing but very fun holiday there. Extended my stay there by one day after deciding 3 days won't be enough. And it still isn't! Anyways, will blog about it later when I'm not feeling too lazy and relaxed. Which might take some time because I suspect the atmosphere at Taiping has rubbed off on me which in conclusion, makes me feel very Taiping-ish.

At the meantime, let me share some good news. My cartoon finally made it into The Star! It was my second go at it after the first one probably got rejected. The little death threat note I sent along with my cartoon must have helped a little. A little motivation never hurts.

Here's my cartoon that was published last Monday:

Nothing too fancy. Decided to just play safe with non-controversial topics. At least it broke, even for a day, the monopoly of another cartoon with beady eyes by some girl that I partially bother to read.

Now that this has started the ball rolling, let me see if I can snatch number 1 spot and get a steady flow of crisp RM 50 notes. I expect no less.

*yawns*

Have a nice week ahead.

untitled

2006-05-21T16:54:00.000+08:00

Will be spending the next 3 days bumming here with the gang. Guess where it is. I've already dumbed down my little quizes since the last fiasco. This should be a piece of banana cake. Hint: Raintown.

I need a change of scenery from the window grills of my home.

Toodles!~

Doggone It

2006-05-18T14:05:00.000+08:00

I submitted the above cartoon to The Star a few days back for their cartoon submissions section. Since I have so much free time, I thought I could do with some easy money. RM 50, to be exact.

But it isn't as easy as I thought it would be. My initial hypothesis that any Tom, Dick and Jane could send their work in and pocket RM 50 was proven wrong. Days have since passed and my cartoon has yet to be published. For all I know, my mail could have already been deleted.

Why? Is it because it's in black and white and not color? Or is it because I likened our MP's to dogs- an insult if there ever was one especially since the MP is Muslim?

IT'S THE TRUTH!

The idea for drawing our MP's as loud mouth dogs came very easilly to me as I saw several similarities.

One: They are supposedly our watchdogs.

Two: They are quick to bark at small matters but when bigger matters arise, as we are quite aware of, they are all bark and no bite.

Three: No offence to smarter dogs, but some MP's have intelligence levels of dogs (maybe lower) judging from all the 'Gatal' and 'Unpatriotic' remarks we've heard in recent weeks. And all this coming from people who has high government posts and are supposedly more educated than the rest. Pfbt!~

If this continues, we are truly on our way to going to the dogs. Maybe it's a good thing our grads didn't return.

Anyways, I'll try submitting my cartoons again and hopefully this time, an influx of cash will come my way. My wallet's contents are dropping from red, to light green and light blue.

I need dark green.

In The Papers Today...

2006-05-16T23:45:00.000+08:00

Do you recognize the bugger in the second picture above? Well, neither did I. That was until I read my name printed smack right below it. Then it hit me. It hit me hard.

Do I actually look like that? Has the mirror in my home been feeding me lies all these years? Has my own self image been masking the true horrors beneath it? I WANT THE TRUTH!

Why do I look like a friggin imp in the picture? I have this very mischievous and sneaky grin plastered on my face like I'm up to no good- and I don't like it one bit. Not when thousands and thousands of people in the Klang valley read The Sun and who now think I share a resemblance with Lucifer himself.

Oh no, this is one big PR mess. How am I going to convince the public that I don't actually look like that (SHUT UP! I CERTAINLY DO NOT!) but more like the handsomest hunk on the Planet Earth- Ian Kirk?

Hehe. Oh my, I am absolutely reeking of narcissism, bless my heart and soul.

The article is actually about great places where you can watch football where I was the interviewee- and about girlfriends and football- which I wasn't included in. Wow. "Thanks" for the confidence boost, Joan.

You can find the article in The Sun's 'U!' section.

Have a nice day!

Torn In Two

2006-05-15T12:45:00.000+08:00

I've just received an SMS from Blink a few moments ago that brought with it another unwanted dilemma that I'm forced to handle. The date of the very anticipated and very much talked about trip to Taiping so conveniently falls on this Friday, one day before my cousin's wedding dinner at which I am appointed honorary cameraman.

Add this to the list of my current headache of where to further my studies, and you have a sure fire recipe for the Mother of all migraines. It seems my troubles are all increasing by the minute with no solution in sight.

The problem is, I really wanna go and hang out with my buddies in Taiping. But I also have a responsibility to be at my cousin's wedding. Besides, it's a family thing and I can't be such a selfish prick as to ditch the wedding.

On second thought, I'm actually capable of such selfish brat behavior, but I'm not going to do it. No way, Jose. I can't possibly do that. Noooo... Noooo...

.....
........
............
................

Decision pending.

How I miss those buggers...

Educated Bloodsuckers

2006-05-11T20:01:00.000+08:00

Private education institutions these days are making a killing out of education and we, the uneducated fools, are happily paving their way to the bank. And doing their laughing for them too. By now, most of you would've started to correct me, "Private ma". Well, I disagree.

Private or not, the price of education should not exceed the price of a car. I know the value is different. With good education, you can buy many, many cars blah blah blah. But seriously, think about it if you are able to and if you're not able to, well, you're better off funding my education.

How many people have put aside their dreams of studying a course of their own choice all because of a financial dead end? How many have told themselves, "Hmm, I'd like to do this course but @#$%, it's @#$% expensive!"?

Private College/Universities are vampires

Look at Germany. They provide free education for their citizens. Yes, you read me right. Free. But in Malaysia, as you all know, for all you know, the most successful butchers on earth could be your college's director -slaughtering you for all you're worth.

Today, I went to check out Lim Kok Wing and Monash on their Mass Communication degrees and found out both are equally expensive. For a degree that takes three years to complete, I would need to spend close to RM 100,000. And this doesn't include my pipe dream of spending my final year in Australia.

*sigh* Options, options. Oh boy o boy, do I love my options.

At the way things are going, I may have to consider hawking my ass at Chow Kit.

Takers anyone?

The Rock My Rock

2006-05-10T18:30:00.000+08:00

IF YOU SMEEEEELLLLL-UH, WHAT THE ROCK, IS COOKING! If what I've just said doesn't ring any bells, I know someone who would love to introduce a bell to your head and knock you out for the count. How can you not know The Great One?

Of course, the only Great One besides me, obviously, d-uH, is-

THE ROCK!

There was a time when this Hercules of a chiseled man ruled the rings of the WWF, not the World Wildlife Foundation, mind you- though it would be hilarious to see him battling with an Orang Utan- but the World Wrestling Federation which is now pussily renamed the WWE- "Wee!"

Those were the days when The Rock, Stone Cold Steve Austin and The Undertaker were the big players of the ring and not the current crop of wrestlers that disgrace the arena like John Cena who probably during The Rock's heyday was still breast feeding.

The Rock was blessed with a fine athletic body with which he would use to pound his opponents senseless, a face that was worlds apart from the ugly criminal looking mugs of his peers, but most of all, he was blessed with the kind of charisma that was last seen by the man who devised the Holocaust. The man could charm on the mic and his wit was second to none.

The People's Eyebrow

To me, personally, The Rock was huge. I used to idolise him when I was in Form 1 until he disappeared from the wrestling scene to start his budding acting career. Seriously, I was so into The Rock, that every thing I did or said was just like him.

I did the People's Eyebrow to almost everyone, I wrestled with my brother (and whoever was game) as The Rock whenever the opportunity arose, and once, after winning a debate which I was announced as the Best Speaker, I stood up in front of the entire class and just roared "If you smeeeelll-" complete with The Rock pose. That was how crazy I was about him.

Ok, that last sentence sounded rather wrong. Pfhbt!

The People's Champion

Anyways, it got so crazy until people themselves were refering to me as The Rock...wannabe. I was the ultimate The Rock fan boy. One cannot imagine the influence and hold he had on a stringy pre-pub such as myself watching him stand with his closed fist raised in a corner to welcome wave after pulsing wave of flash light.

It was dreamy. It was awesome. I was living a fantasy through him. Then, one day, it all just stopped. I can't exactly pin point the exact day, but it just stopped. Gone were all my The Rock idolising days. Gone were the days when I was The Rock. Gone. Finished. Kaput.

What you would find in my pencil case until now

You could say I finally grew up (have I?) or reality caught up with me. Good and bad depending on how you see it. But good or bad, it was certainly fun while it lasted. At least I have some interesting stories to look back on and laugh about when my hair is no more, my teeth are in a cup and someone has to help me aim while I pee.

Long Live The Rock! Cheers!~

Secret No More

2006-05-08T11:07:00.000+08:00

The following video is a 30 sec Secret Recipe advertisement I did for my college assignment a few weeks back. You could say it was totally done by me even though it was a group project. Not that the other's were lazy or incompetent though, don't be mistaken.

I was the Jack of all trades, director, script writer, editor and camera man rolled into one delightful bundle. Credit, of course, should not be taken away from my team who also worked behind the scenes in preparing the set, trying to keep the budget low.

Not forgetting the main actor who can look cool and very stupid at the same time, the Cartman worshipping- Kien Kit. The man's the man. His expressions and actions were all spot on, and that probably contributed a lot in making this ad a success.

I hope you'll enjoy this ad as much as I enjoyed producing it. Constructive comments are always, always welcome.

Toodles!~

Snapshots

2006-05-03T20:55:00.000+08:00

Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you, my very own photoblog.

Snapshots

Constructive comments are greatly appreciated but do be kind.

Have a nice week, all!

I'm Feeling Blue

2006-04-29T21:57:00.000+08:00

When Joe Cole brilliantly banged in the second goal, I knew that was it. Game over. Watching Carvalho score another, Rooney stretchered off and Chelsea celebrating at the sidelines just added lime juice to a deep, deep wound.

Wait, lime juice is too mild. Watching my beloved team get thrashed by Chelsea and practically hand them their second successive Premiership title on a plate was like having someone stab my heart with a blunt knife multiple times, sand paper it roughly and thoroughly with the roughest sand paper, before slam dunking it into a pool of salt.

Yes, I think that was how I felt. It was horrible! I'm probably going to come down with post-traumatic stress. Even as I type this, I can't feel my fingers numb from the shock.

But nevertheless, I'm going to be a good sport and congratulate Chelsea on their win.

Here.

Now, if you would kindly excuse me, I need to go find my good 'ol friend Jack.

Bah!

Penang Engagement cont'd

2006-04-29T01:00:00.000+08:00

Objective #2: Food Binge

Due to the recent diarrheoa attack, I lost quite some weight. I weigh about 59 kg when I should be around 65 kgs and above especially for my height. Knowing full well I'm underweight, which is not my fault in any way since my body burns off all the food faster than I can eat, I set out to put on at least 5 kgs in, where else but food haven, Penang.

The very minute we arrived at Penang, we were already looking for food which is normal since it was dinner time. What wasn't normal was going for supper straight after. I literally went on a food binge stuffing myself with all sorts of delicious offerings laid before me.

Having been informed of my mission to gain weight, my family fed me like it was their only purpose in life. I, of course, had no complains.

The signs above greeted me when I went to some of the stalls. Some even invited me to try it. I didn't know how I was going to break the news to them that I'm from Klang, the Mecca of Bah Kut Teh and I could have it for breakfast, lunch and dinner until soup dripped from my nose. My balls just swelled to gargantuan size with pride to know I come from Klang.

I imagined myself announcing to them I hailed from Klang and boast that their Bah Kut Teh tastes nothing like the real thing for I, and I alone, has eaten the real deal. After which they would all bow down to me, polish my shoe, clean my ears and ask for my autograph. Sweet!

Let me just sidetrack a little to show you something interesting. Take note all you businessmen, marketers, advertisers and the like. What you are about to witness now, is photographic evidence that shows celebrity endorsements does work! Watch:

Notice the two stalls on the right and left side. Both are selling Penang cendol but only one seems to be doing good business. I've tried both and in terms of taste, they're almost the same. So, why the difference in market share?

Can you see it? Let's take a closer look...

I rest my case. Celebrity endorsements does work whether you like it or not. My advise to the other store would be to pack up and sell someplace else, or better yet, why not fight fire with fire by having me endorse them. Sure laku, beb! Woot!

On second thought, I'll probably put them out of business. Oh well, it's worth a shot. Hah!

So, ladies and gentlemen, witches and warlocks, bitches and mongrels- the moment you've all been waiting for (if you know what's good for you): Did Ian achieve his mission of gaining 5 kgs?

The answer is... NO! Aw c'mon, it's almost impossible to be gaining that amount of weight in 3 days! Even if I were to eat 24/7, I'll probably need to get my stomach pumped out from all the food and then, I'll lose even more weight. But I did gain 3 kgs if you would have any miniscule interest in knowing, thank you very much.

Oh well, at least the wedding and the whole trip in general was a success. Even though I didn't get to buff up, hell, I sure did enjoy trying!

This is Ian, reporting on Penang, wishing you a very good night.

See ya, suckers! :D

Penang Engagement

2006-04-27T10:23:00.000+08:00

Alright, let's get down to business. First things first, I'm really disappointed that most did not get what my message said. By now, I'm expecting 5 people with bullets in their heads. Simple as it was, nobody except two got it 100% correct. So, congrats to Suet and Ivan and shame on the rest of you.

The message says:

"Will/We'll be going to Penang. Be right back, suckers!"

All it takes is a little bit of imagination. Heh.
************************************************************************************
Now that the message issue is out of the way, let's talk about my trip to Penang. Of course, you'll be expecting to hear it was awesome, and great, and I had the best time in the world and all that.

Look around, (some) blogs are used by otherwise mundane people to tell you a life more spectacular, more dramatic than it actually is. Of course they'll tell you anywhere they went was awesome. Nothing less. Are you to believe it? After all, c'mon, it's a blog, credibility is as thin and fragile as a wafer biscuit. Damn, I'm hungry.

Wait, wasn't I supposed to talk about how awesome my trip was in your face? Sorry, I digressed.

Anyways, I went to Penang with 2 main objectives. One: To attend the wedding of my darling cousin. Two: To put on 5 kgs within 3 days of my stay there. The following is a full detailed report on how awesome my trip was down to the very last minute detail, accompanied by loads of pictures taken to make you just go green with envy. Enjoy:

Objective #1: The Wedding

Let me give you a brief background intro: My cousin is Malay-Chinese or Chinlay or Malanese; whatever makes you happy. And she's marrying a Malay. Simple? Understand? Somehow, I silently doubt it after the message fiasco. Hehe.

Never being to a full Malay wedding before, you could say this was a good experience. Usually, the only time I'm involved in Malay weddings is when it's time to makan. So, this was nice change although the makan-ing activity still remained.

Peek-a-boo!

Throughout the ceremony, I felt myself wanting to object. I found it extremely unsettling and odd that my cousin of only 24 years of age would be getting married. For me, that's like 4 years from now. OMG! Never for the life of me can I imagine myself passing out wedding invitations when I'm 24.

The groom: Pre-ceremony.

Look at the smiling groom. I'm unsure how old he is, but looking at the picture, I have a feeling he's not much older than me. In fact, he looks just like someone my age. I cannot understand why some people would marry young when there's still so much going for them. This, to me, is nuclear science. Or Add Math. Take your pick.

My cousin. As you can see, good looks runs in the family.

In my humble opinion- humble as it is, I very damn well want you to take it seriously: Marriage age should be set at 28-40. Any younger should be illegal in the sight of all things good and holy, and any older, well, unless you want to be mistaken as your kid's grandparents, shelve the idea.

Ya Allah... what did I get myself into...

Honestly, as honest as honest can get, I have no objections against young marriage. But it's just not my cup of Boh. There's still so much to do and so much to see and experience at that age. But maybe I've misunderstood the purpose of marriage. Have I? Hmm...

Awww...

They make a lovely couple.

The knowledge that my cousin is now a married woman has yet to sink in. I can still remember her very sarcastically with carefully chosen words dripping with poison, scolding me for playing Warcraft III for hours on her PC. Maybe that's where I learnt my sarcasm from. All Hail the Queen!

Fooling around with my other cousin.

This merging of two different families and cultures brought some hilarious results during the dinner/kenduri later that night. You see, my family loves to eat. We are blessed with appetties bigger than our waistline which is a gift no matter how you look at it. So, eat we did.

That night, our table was the only table in the entire hall to restock the dishes not once, not twice, but three times! The waiter even joked that he would have to start charging us triple for the meal; but the food was so good, who could resist? I think we paid the chef the best compliment he could ever hope for. 3 servings, clean plates, smiles, burps- satisfaction!

Group pic with the Uncles.

To be continued...

Hieroglyphics

2006-04-20T23:11:00.000+08:00

Here's a little something for you Langdon wannabes out there. Can you uncode my message? It's so simple, if you can't do it, go shoot yourself. Seriously. It's not like it's nuclear science y' know. Right? Right?

Toodles!~

iFertilizer

2006-04-15T12:31:00.000+08:00

Who would've thought that Mrs. Diarrhoea actually reads my blog? Thinking it was a compliment (if only she knew) she decided to pay me a visit, a visit spanning almost a week. Poor me thinking she would leave sooner than later, put up with her before realizing she's not leaving too soon.

For almost a week, I suffered long with her rocking my bowels inside out. I think I've released enough water into the toilet bowl to flood the whole of KL- not that it'll be that hard. I think I've also deposited enough fertilizer to fertilize the whole of Africa. And more.

I realized the vast potential of my cappuccino colored fertilizer a little too late as I flushed it all down into the receiving arms of the Indah Water martyrs. Hey, any person who deals with poo 24/7 is a martyr in my books. God bless them.

You see, if I had just thought of marketing my iFertilizer (yes, it's a clever little marketing gimmick), I would've made fortunes. My product will be an instant hit in agricultural countries worldwide. In fact, I have photographic proof that shows how effective my iFertilizer is. Behold:

My mother's bouganvillas BEFORE iFertilizer

AFTER iFertilizer

See? I told you so. So, what are you waiting for? Order's are first come first served! Hurry before my diarr- *ahem*- iFertilizer runs out! Limited stocks only!

Other than this I'm fine thank you...

Arsenal- Who?

2006-04-10T01:51:00.000+08:00

Ladies and gentlemen, meet the new Arsenal goalie:

I don't care what you Arsenal faithfuls think, Mr. Kolo here was very lucky not to recieve a straight red card with a save that might threaten Jens Lehmann's first team place. Which makes this win all the more sweeter over you losers.

There is only one Roo!

Sweeeeeeeet!~

Shito Logo

2006-04-09T15:24:00.000+08:00

Look at the picture below and I know that you know that I know that we're both thinking the same thing:

The new Manchester United sponsor's logo is as beautiful as what I deposit in my toilet bowl after a nasty meal. Or maybe after a visit by Mrs. Diarrhoea- DIAR-RHO-EA! DIAR-RHO-EA! Man, they can afford to pay 56.5 million pounds to sponsor THE best team in the world bar none, I don't care what you say, but they can't get someone to design a decent logo.

It looks like, dear me, the alphabets A, I, G in Times New Roman in a box. Wow, impressive. Why in the world did Vodafone leave? Among all the previous sponsors, I loved Vodafone's logo the best.

This, my design impotent AIG sponsor, is what a logo should look like:

A thing of beauty is it not? Is it any wonder why Giggsy and Parky ain't looking too happy?

Ruddy logo... @#$%!

No matter. I'll support my team regardless of logo. That is why the only place you'll find me tonight at 11 p.m. will be in front of that big screen TV at Kayu like that'll be the last thing I'll ever see. Before that, I have an appointment with the local bomoh with international connections to make sure Arsenal and Chelsea lose.

But of course, I won't need any bomoh because Manchester United can easily whoop them two clubs senseless. They are, after all, Manchester United are they not? Hehe.

GO RED DEVILS!

Online Sparring

2006-04-09T14:30:00.000+08:00

Would you believe me if I told you I had an argument with a 15 year old Singaporean kid staying in Australia that I never knew before? You better believe it. Yesterday, with the help of the amazing Internet and MSN, the little verbal sparring was made possible.

Yvonne was telling me about how this guy in school was irritating her by making unwanted advances towards her even after she told him to stop. His advances didn't just stop at school but continued online too.

The idea was simple. She suggested I pretend to be her boyfriend and talk some sense into his head. Me, bored as anything then, was all up for it. And, man, what an online battle it was.

I was in my usual sarcastic self and he was the hot tempered foul one. You know how flamed kids are. Throughout the argument, his insults were straight out from the primary school playground. Immature is definitely the word for it - mother, father, stupid, pea brain etc. What's more, his England wasn't very good as well.

So as you should know by now, it was rather easy, a tad too easy, for me to mess with his head. Anything he threw at me, I returned back 5 times stronger. Somewhere there, lah. Poor boy.

Here are some of the excerpts from our little tea time chat. The real conversation is just too long to be posted up but if you would ask nicely, I'll gladly send it to you. Go ahead, have a laugh:

i'm am smart of course...not like a pea brain like you...

sxhizo says:

haha..u sound like my 10 year old brother

dont have to compliment me like this

************************************************************************************

knn

a not happy...just say...

solve the proble,,

sxhizo says:

ok then

sxhizo says:

NOT HAPPY

why so much crap??

sxhizo says:

happy now boy?

i dont like...

sxhizo says:

haha

now happy so what you wanan do???

say lah???

sxhizo says:

i dowanna do anything

knn...you think i scared you ah??

sxhizo says:

i just messing with ur head

dont mess...

************************************************************************************

sxhizo says:

go tell yr babysitter u wanna go sleep

i'm not happy with you

sxhizo says:

its you

sxhizo says:

oh really?

sxhizo says:

thts good news

sorry i no babysister

sxhizo says:

haha

i knwo you have

sxhizo says:

yea

sxhizo says:

i have

sxhizo says:
and a hot one too

you knnbsbsb

************************************************************************************

not like you church mouse

poor like f*ck

sxhizo says:

go back china better la

need to go beg from ppl

i also not from china

you go lah

sxhizo says:

i rather be poor and smart than rich and dumb

sxhizo says:

cos u know why?

go there sell your backside

i know....

lol...

sxhizo says:

then i can cheat ur money u dumbass

oh...

************************************************************************************
As you can see, he had no chance whatsoever against me from the way he was arguing. I had a blast just screwing around with him like a cat with a mouse. But I soon grew tired of him. Seriously, after one point, I was seriously irritated by his immaturity. Thousands of my brain cells are in danger of dying if I continue talking at his level.

So, I called back-up. Not that I couldn't finish the fight on my own anyway. So Kit was roped in and my o my o my, how things instantly turned nasty with Kit literally tearing the poor cub apart with insults I'm not stupid enough to repeat here. I just stood back and watched nature take it's course, enjoying every minute of it.

A few minutes later, everything came to an end. Loser/Lover Boy went offline. Finally, he knew what was best for him. I guess all is not lost for him. He's smart enough to leave before he gets another verbal pastering aka. OWNAGE!

Ding! Ding! And the winner is... IAN and KIT!

(crowd roars in adoration)

Thank you, thank you.

(takes a bow and walks out)

Perfecto!